The two faces reflected in the mirror were complete opposites, even down to their hair colors. Ji-ho had gently wavy brown hair, a soft expression, and arched eyebrows, giving him an overall warm appearance. In contrast, Sol looked like a delicately crafted glass shard, with jet-black hair against his pale skin. He appeared transparent and clear, yet sharp, like a piece of glass. However, despite his sharp appearance, there was a softness about him, as if beneath the surface he was as fluid as water.
“Don’t worry too much. You’ve been filming continuously all this time, right?”
“Yeah...”
Although nothing noteworthy had been uploaded except for a dance cover video, Sol had consistently continued filming with Chae Min-ju, beyond just self-cams. At least by now, Sol had become used to filming with Chae Min-ju without needing a tripod.
Sol nodded at Ji-ho’s words. Looking into Ji-ho’s eyes while he patted his shoulder, Sol forced a smile, as if to reassure himself. When Sol smiled, Ji-ho also flashed a wide smile. Images of Ji-ho, who was always beaming brightly, flashed through Sol’s mind. Though it was impossible to know his true feelings, outwardly, Ji-ho seemed to spend most of his time happily and joyfully.
Considering the past circumstances and everything currently happening, Sol realized he had to live the idol life here, with Ji-ho and the other members. It was a reality he could no longer avoid or deny, and it was a reality that was still ongoing.
“A state of ‘small happiness.’” It wasn’t just a phrase in a status window; looking back, Sol was genuinely a little happy back then. It was an undeniable fact and a very natural thing. But after knowing the effects of the ‘small happiness’ state, was pursuing a ‘happy state’ truly about being happy? Hadn’t he developed an obsession to be happy simply for the benefits that state provided? And if he pursued happiness in such a way and reached a ‘happy state,’ would that truly be happiness?
As these thoughts tangled in his mind, Sol felt even his own emotions became confusing. If the emotions he felt were false, then wasn’t everything, including this moment of laughing with Ji-ho, also fake? His head felt heavy, overwhelmed with too many complicated thoughts. If thoughts had weight, Sol felt like he wouldn’t be able to hold his head up and would have to bury it in the ground. After a moment of hesitation, Sol voiced the problem that had been suffocating him.
“Ji-ho hyung, what do you think about... um, trying to become happy because you have a reason or purpose for needing to be happy?”
“…Huh?”
Ji-ho was still smiling, but his eyebrows had shot up in surprise, revealing his confusion. Sol looked at Ji-ho’s reflection in the mirror and regretted the question he had carelessly blurted out. Sol’s lips were tightly sealed, and Ji-ho’s eyebrows, which had risen high, gradually returned to their usual position. Soon after, the characteristic bright smile that usually lingered on Ji-ho’s face disappeared.
“Sol-ah, are you a philosophy major or something?”
“...No, I think my question was strange. Forget about it, Ji-ho hyung.”
“Are you perhaps deeply into some religion?”
“It’s not that. I’m sorry, Ji-ho hyung. My words were strange.”
At Ji-ho’s words, with his face looking as serious as Tae-oh’s, Sol felt embarrassed by his own question. He lowered his head deeply and blushed. Seeing Sol waving his hand as if trying to take back the words he’d already said, Ji-ho’s stern expression softened.
“You were flustered. But really, what kind of question is that? Of course, there needs to be a reason to be happy.”
“No... that’s not it. Um... um...”
It had been a long time since Sol had formed any meaningful relationships with others. Naturally, it had also been a long time since he had exchanged many conversations. After falling into this world one day, the conversations he had with the members here might have outnumbered all the conversations he had over where he came from for several years.
Not being particularly good with words to begin with, Sol stuttered, unable to properly express what he wanted to ask. Seeing that he wanted to ask or say something but couldn’t find the right words, Ji-ho pulled up a chair and sat down, nodding to show that he was willing to wait as long as needed.
“Take your time and try to explain well.”
“What I mean is... it’s not that I’m naturally happy because I’m joyful or delighted. It’s more like I have to be happy. I need to be happy right now... Is it that I want to be in a state where I have to be happy?”
As he watched Ji-ho nodding loosely, Sol thought of Ga-ram. Unlike his relaxed demeanor, Sol, who continued speaking, was not at all at ease. The more he spoke, the more he felt like he was sinking into a quagmire. He wasn’t even sure what kind of answer he expected from Ji-ho by bringing this up, nor was he clear about what he really wanted to ask.
In the end, Sol felt embarrassed by his own rambling and his cheeks reddened. He wanted to hide in a hole in the ground, and if he could turn back time, he would go back to just before he asked that ridiculous question.
“What am I even saying right now?”
“Exactly, I don’t really know either.”
At Sol’s self-deprecating remark, Ji-ho chuckled softly. Sol, uncharacteristically, had said a lot, but the more he spoke, the more tangled his words became. Watching Sol like this, Ji-ho thought, ‘Our members really are all not great with words, aren’t they? It looks like it’s going to be quite tough ahead,’ and he shrugged his shoulders. After a brief moment, Sol, thinking that his foolish question might be forgotten, let out a sigh of relief. While Sol wanted to forget it quickly, Ji-ho, as if he’d been thinking about the question all along, suddenly gave a belated answer.
“But isn’t that just a given for everyone?”
“Huh?”
“Everyone wants to be happy. They try to be happy. That’s just how it is for everyone.”
Hearing Ji-ho’s voice suddenly from above, Sol widened his eyes and turned to look at him. Ji-ho, with a rather serious expression and his chin resting on his hand, continued to speak. He seemed so earnest that one might have mistaken him for a philosophy student. Seeing Ji-ho like this, Sol murmured in a hesitant tone, “Is that so?”
“Tae-oh, Ga-ram, Deuk-yong, and me too—we’re all trying to be happy in the end, right?”
“Right now?”
“When you achieve your dreams, you become happy. Since we’re working hard to achieve our dreams, in the end, we’re striving to be happy.”
“Uh... yeah, that’s true.”
“What are we even talking about right now? What is this about?”
Despite Ji-ho’s rather serious expression and firm tone, somehow, the more he spoke, the more puzzled he seemed to become. Sol nodded along as he replied, but his face showed a confused expression, as if he had no idea what they were discussing. In this strange situation, Ji-ho let out a helpless laugh and shook his head.
“Ah, I don’t know. I have no idea what I was trying to say, but my point is, everyone wants to be happy. That’s just a given.”
“Yeah.”
At Ji-ho’s words, while shaking his head, Sol felt a sense of ease. Nothing was clear, but it felt as though she had been given permission to just be like that, which made him feel relieved. For some reason, this situation amused him, and as Sol’s lips kept twitching, Ji-ho, feeling a bit awkward, changed the topic.
“Let’s focus on the shoot instead of these deep thoughts. But, given the keywords like ‘fatal’ and ‘boss,’ isn’t the outfit too pure?”
“I’m not sure….”
“All in white? With your looks, aren’t you more of an angel or a holy being than a villain?”
Ji-ho looked Sol over from head to toe once again. Dressed in a light, flowing white two-piece, Sol’s appearance seemed far removed from the keywords he described. With his unique aura, he did have a somewhat cool vibe, but he looked so purely white that it almost seemed sacred. The outfit was simple in design, but Sol had such a way of wearing it that even a sack would look good on him.
Ji-ho squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what Eun-gyeom wanted to do with Sol’s replacement, but he decided to give up trying to understand the concept of this baffling music video, as well as the filming going on outside. It wasn’t even his own music video, so whatever happened, all that mattered was that his members looked beautiful and handsome. Thinking this, Ji-ho slowly nodded his head. Just then, there was a brief knock, and the door opened. It was Eun-gyeom.
Even after seeing him again, Sol couldn’t take his eyes off Eun-gyeom, who was hard to get used to. Seeing him dressed up like that, reminiscent of Ju-hwan’s appearance, was even more intriguing, drawing Sol’s gaze. Perhaps because Sol’s gaze was too intense, or maybe it was intentional from the beginning. When Eun-gyeom met Sol’s eyes, he smiled brightly, like a dog greeting its owner, despite his styling.
Given that they were borrowing a corner of Eun-gyeom’s dressing room and that he was clearly their senior, Ji-ho and Sol bowed deeply in greeting. Several staff members entered along with Eun-gyeom, who seemed to be there to change his outfit. With the room suddenly crowded with people moving around frantically, Sol and Ji-ho retreated further into a corner.
“Sol-ah.”
“Yes?”
Eun-gyeom, in the middle of changing his clothes, suddenly called out to Sol. Sol, who had been sticking close to Ji-ho and watching the situation from the corner, answered in surprise at Eun-gyeom’s call. Anyone could see he looked like a nervous rookie responding to a senior’s call, and both the staff and Eun-gyeom chuckled softly.
“Aren’t you too nervous?”
“Oh, yes. Yes.”
Another burst of laughter followed. Normally, one would respond to such a question with “No” or “I’m fine,” but Sol, looking flustered, had instantly admitted it. Everyone found Sol’s reaction endearing and laughed, but in reality, that laughter only made Sol even more nervous. Sol continuously twisted his fingers and bit his lips nervously. At that moment, Ji-ho casually placed his hand on Sol’s shoulder.
“Sunbae-nim, thank you so much for giving us this opportunity! We’ll step outside so as not to get in your way while you prepare.”
“…Ji-ho-yah.”
“Yes.”
“Calling me ‘Sunbae-nim’ like that sounds too formal. Just be casual.”
“Thank you, but still, you’re our senior.”
“When we were trainees, we hung out casually together. There’s no need to be so formal just because I debuted a little earlier.”
Biting his lips, Sol glanced at Ji-ho. Ji-ho was certainly smiling broadly, but something about it felt slightly off. Eun-gyeom, who had paused while changing his clothes, also looked back at Ji-ho in a similar manner.
