The movement of the van turning the corner and its familiar, constant rumbling gave the feeling that they had arrived at the dorm, even without looking. Waking to that familiar sensation, Sol opened his bleary eyes and blinked a couple of times into the darkness. Just as his pupils adjusted to the dark surroundings, as if on cue, Yeong-ho announced their arrival.
It was unclear whether Deuk-yong had really been asleep but when Ga-ram poked his back repeatedly, he stirred groggily and tumbled out of the van. Yeong-ho told the disoriented Deuk-yong that he'd be taking him to the hospital tomorrow morning. Sol also shuffled out of the van after the other members, dragging his feet, when Yeong-ho stopped him.
"Sol-ah."
At Yeong-ho's call, Sol looked at him and was the first to speak, voicing what he had been thinking about the entire ride.
"Um... About the graduation ceremony. I think it would be good to go, like you said."
"You'll do it?"
Yeong-ho lit up at Sol's words. Seeing his visibly brighter expression, Sol thought he'd said the right thing. He understood exactly why Yeong-ho was so concerned about his graduation. He had joined the group hastily and had been busy keeping up with the members ever since, but he also hadn't been home once. Yeong-ho knew his parents weren't around and that he'd gone through a sudden change in his environment, so he was worried.
As Yeong-ho had said, once their broadcasts started in earnest or if they gained popularity, it would become much harder to find personal time. It was Yeong-ho's way of looking out for him, but for Sol, who had no friends or family, it was a consideration he didn't really need. Still, he figured it was easier to just go to the insignificant graduation ceremony than to let Yeong-ho keep worrying.
And more than anything, after thinking about it the whole ride, he was curious. A school without Yoo-chan and Ju-hwan. And also, himself, now in a different place than before. He thought it might be good to see both of those things with his own eyes.
"Yes. But I didn't bring my school uniform."
"Tomorrow morning, when we take Deuk-yong to the hospital, we can stop by your place together."
"Okay, thank you, hyung."
As Sol bowed his head in thanks, Yeong-ho patted the members' backs, telling them they worked hard and to go inside and rest. Once inside the dorm, Sol hid himself under the blankets, wriggling around as he waited for the bathroom to be free. Lying on his bed, he checked his phone and found a message from Eun-gyeom.
Since the previous stalker incident, Sol never took his phone outside the dorm, so he checked Eun-gyeom's message with practiced ease. It wasn't anything major. Knowing that Sol only checked his phone after returning to the dorm from practice, Eun-gyeom sent occasional updates, even though he knew a reply was unlikely.
It was a simple good morning greeting, an update on his own life, and a clean, encouraging message telling him to hang in there today. Whenever he returned to the dorm and checked his phone, seeing messages filled with Eun-gyeom's warm tone made his fatigue melt away a little. There were times when he saw Eun-gyeom's message but fell asleep without replying, but Eun-gyeom never pressed him or seemed upset about it.
Even though he wasn't Ju-hwan, conversations with Eun-gyeom, whose face reminded him of Ju-hwan, were much more comfortable like this, exchanging texts, rather than face-to-face. After repeating this routine for about a week, returning to the dormitory and checking his phone had, before he knew it, become part of Sol's daily routine.
Do your best filming today! Don't be nervous, and don't get hurt either!
I got 2 hours of sleep and I'm on the move again.. I'm sleepyã… ã… I'll cheer for you even in my sleep.
The message had come through around the time Sol would have been getting his makeup done at the shop. Sol tapped on the keypad to send a late reply.
[I just got in now that filming is over. I think I probably need to study music more.]
He probably was busy or already asleep. It was late, and since Eun-gyeom had been busy with promotions lately, Sol didn't expect a reply. When they texted, their timing was often off. Contrary to Sol's expectation, however, Eun-gyeom replied quickly, as if he had been waiting.
Tae Eun-gyeom
You worked hard. But what kind of music study?
Now that he had someone to talk to, Sol began to list off the things he had felt throughout the day to Eun-gyeom.
[I guess I just haven't listened to much music by other singers, so there's a lot I don't know. A gentleman named Seo Seung-hoon came today. I didn't know him, but everyone else seemed to.]
Tae Eun-gyeom
Why was that sunbae-nim there? As a judge?
[Yes. Do you know him?]
Tae Eun-gyeom
Of course. Sol-ah, are you in trouble?
Without Sol even bringing anything specific up, Eun-gyeom's question asking if he was in trouble made Sol furrow his brows. He wondered if Eun-gyeom had perhaps come to the set. It hit right on the mark. In fact, precisely because he wasn't familiar with Seo Seung-hoon's achievements, he wondered if the criticism had stung more, and he had been about to search for information. Startled, Sol wrote back to Eun-gyeom.
[How did you know?]
Tae Eun-gyeom
Because he's famous for his strict and sharp evaluations.
[Yeah, he is.]
Were you very upset?
At Eun-gyeom's question, Sol’s mouth quirked slightly as he sent a reply. It had been more than just "a little" upsetting, but saying so honestly made him feel petty and like someone who couldn't take criticism. Sol decided to downplay his feelings a bit.
[A little.]
The real reason he had been so upset was because of the criticism about Ji-ho, so when it came to himself, saying he was "a little upset" wasn't entirely wrong.
Tae Eun-gyeom
I can't take this.
I need to become a judge so I can heap praise on Sol.
[You can't do that.]
Sol had been laughing, shrugging his shoulders at what seemed like a joke meant to make him feel better, but he suddenly sent a quick reply at the thought that he might actually do it. He had already gotten Sol into his music video before, so just in case...
Tae Eun-gyeom
Even if you hate him, give this song a listen.
It's my favorite song by that sunbae-nim.
(Emoticon)
After sending a playful laughing emoticon to Sol's chat, Eun-gyeom promptly sent a link. It wasn't Seo Seung-hoon's famous title track, but rather one of the b-side songs from an album.
The song, which started with just a quiet piano accompaniment, sounded more like a monologue than a song. It felt like sitting alone on a park bench on a day with a fiercely strong wind. Regardless of his lingering feelings, Sol found himself liking the Seo Seung-hoon song Eun-gyeom had recommended. And after listening to the whole song, he could vaguely understand, at least a little, the harsh criticism Seo Seung-hoon had given Ji-ho. His songs were loaded with so much emotion. After finishing the song, Sol sat for a moment, lingering in the feeling. In contrast to the deep emotion he felt, he sent Eun-gyeom a very simple review.
[It's a sad song.]
Sol couldn't quite put his feelings into words. It was a good song, a heartbreakingly sad song. Unable to find any grand, eloquent words, he sent his raw impression and immediately thought, "Oh no," when he saw his own message. Sometimes, text-based conversations were prone to misunderstandings. His incredibly simple review might have come off as somewhat insincere or perfunctory.
Tae Eun-gyeom
Yeah.
I cry every time I hear this song.
(Emoticon)
Making Sol's worry pointless, Eun-gyeom sent back an emoticon not just of crying, but of sobbing. Relieved by his reaction, Sol picked up his phone and smiled softly. A brief lull fell into their back-and-forth conversation. But neither Sol nor Eun-gyeom rushed the other. After a short pause, a new message from Eun-gyeom arrived.
Tae Eun-gyeom
About studying music...
Should I recommend you a little bit of the latest or famous songs every day?
Caught off guard by the unexpected offer, Sol's eyes went wide. He was at a loss for what to say next, and his fingers hovered over the screen for a brief moment.
[Thank you, hyung. Aren't I bothering you while you're busy?]
Tae Eun-gyeom
Not at all.
I just want to listen to good songs with you!
[I'd like that. I was actually thinking about just going down the popularity charts.]
Tae Eun-gyeom
I'll sort out some good songs for you, a little at a time, and I'll add some explanations too.
He didn't know many songs, and being ignorant about genres, Sol couldn't even clearly categorize the songs he did know. While just listening to a lot of music was necessary, he needed some basic knowledge, too. He had been thinking of asking Tae-oh or Ga-ram for help, but he decided to accept Eun-gyeom's offer. Above all, he had really loved the song by Seo Seung-hoon that Eun-gyeom recommended today.
Of course, it was a ploy by Tae Eun-gyeom to find a way to spend time with Sol, but Sol was far too oblivious to pick up on his hidden intentions. His lack of experience, born from a very limited social circle, also played a part. After exchanging a few more pieces of information about Seo Seung-hoon's song, their conversation naturally drifted toward their daily routines and plans.
Tae Eun-gyeom
Are you going to be at the company all day tomorrow, too?
[No, I'm planning to go home for a bit tomorrow.]
Eun-gyeom, who had been planning to make time to see Sol, sent a reply filled with concern at this unexpected answer.
Tae Eun-gyeom
Is everything okay at home?
From their week of conversations and their occasional run-ins at the company, Eun-gyeom knew well that Sol never went anywhere besides the agency's practice rooms and the dorm. So for him to say he was going home made Eun-gyeom worried that something might be wrong.
[No, it's for my graduation ceremony. I'm just going to pick up my uniform.]
Tae Eun-gyeom
You're graduating!
Congratulations!!
[I didn't really plan on going since I don't have any friends and all. But my manager hyung seemed really worried about it. I also thought it might look a little weird if I didn't go...]
Eun-gyeom, who had felt relieved at Sol's simple explanation about picking up his uniform, had to stifle a pained groan at what Sol said next. The words "I don't have any friends" echoed in Tae Eun-gyeom's mind from the other side of the phone.
Tae Eun-gyeom
Should I go with you?
[Where? To the graduation ceremony?]
[No.]
In response to Eun-gyeom's text, Sol recalled the time he had come to his graduation. Suddenly, the memory of that scene at the entrance of YC Entertainment, swarming with people, came to mind, and it made his skin crawl. He thought it was probably a joke, but just in case, Sol firmly refused one more time.
[You can't.]
Tae Eun-gyeom
You don't want me to come? I'm hurtã… ã…
Even though the emoticon was crying, Sol knew that Eun-gyeom on the other side of the phone was smiling. When Sol refused again even more firmly, Tae Eun-gyeom sent a few more messages whining, like, "And you call me a friend, but you won't even let me come congratulate you at your graduationã… ã… ." While playfully exchanging messages with Eun-gyeom, a faint blush had spread across Sol's face.
