Dancing was frightening. Was it the act of dancing itself or the gaze of those who watch that was frightening? When Sol trailed off, Tae-oh looked at him with an indifferent expression, as if nothing had happened. Tae-oh’s face remained calm, almost like someone in a peaceful slumber. However, there was a subtle hint of a blush in his ears.
“...You did well. I thought you were sleeping earlier. My mistake.”
Tae-oh extended his hand first. Sol gave him a brief sidelong glance as he, in a somewhat clumsy manner, uttered compliments and apologies. The reddened ears were quite noticeable, causing some concern.
“Yes, I was indeed sleeping... but, um, it’s not like it’s that long. It was just a moment because I was a bit tired. I lay down, and, well, I accidentally dozed off.”
Several times, Tae-oh was the one who consistently extended his hand first to him. If it were someone else from his university days, Sol wouldn’t have bothered to make an excuse. But this time, Sol added awkward justifications. It might seem trivial, but for Sol, it was a determination to maintain a gradual relationship.
Sol couldn’t avoid Tae-oh and the other members any longer. To survive, they had to debut together. At least, it seemed that’s what the system wanted so far. Or, at the very least, it seemed that the assistance of these four people was necessary for progressing through the quest. The system made it quite clear.
Actually, it wasn’t a significant excuse. Even though he was clearly stating the truth, Sol hesitated and awkwardly added explanations, making it seem somewhat clumsy. Sol and Tae-oh exchanged awkward glances. Instead of replying, Tae-oh nodded.
It was such a simple explanation. It’s funny how hard it was for him not to say it before. Tae-oh’s response was equally casual.
The members, who had already taken their stances, clapped a couple of times. It was a signal for them to focus. As the familiar guitar intro began, Sol decided to move more boldly than before.
***
Everyone was silent. The first practice and lesson left a bleak impression. It was foolish to think it would be easy to just try it out with clumsy moves. Sol moved stiffly throughout the lesson like a rigid handle made of straw. The hat helped a bit, but the appearance of a stranger exacerbated Sol’s fear.
Moreover, he was a professional teacher who diligently performed his duties. Every time his eyes, like a hawk’s, were fixed on Sol, he had to sweat twice as much. Unpleasant memories kept overlapping in his mind.
When Sol felt the trainer’s gaze, he moved cautiously and awkwardly. Every time the serious-faced choreographer looked at Sol, Deuk-yong, standing behind, whispered incessantly, “Smile.”
Accepting his advice, when Sol awkwardly smiled, the choreographer briefly paused in speaking, took a breath, and then continued.
However, smiling was not his expertise. It merely bought him some time to catch his breath before hearing the cold, calculated words poured out without hesitation. The evaluation was harsh. As the members had said when they first saw Sol, the trainers asked him the same question. Did he really want to be an idol? He couldn’t say anything. The phrase, “I have to do it; that’s the only way I can survive,” rose to his lips.
It was apparent that there was no determination in Sol’s hesitant and stiff actions. It felt a bit unfair. It was the most enthusiastic and courageous thing he had done in the past few years. Yet, from the perspective of those who lived each day to the fullest, it seemed absurd. Sol bowed his head, with nothing else to do but glance around.
Before the lesson started, he felt a bit sorry for Tae-oh and Ji-ho, who had given him various advice. Yet, having someone else share the scolding with him made it a bit less intimidating, perhaps even a bit comforting.
Ga-ram was quite slow in learning new movements. Even when attempting the same movements, there were several trial-and-error moments, and it took time to grasp the new movements that the dance trainer introduced each time. He wasn’t like Sol, who could pick up anything at a glance, or Tae-oh, who could make anything his own in the blink of an eye.
It seemed like Ga-ram was filling in those lacking parts through practice. Ga-ram practiced dancing tirelessly. It was embarrassing enough to make Sol uncomfortable. Deuk-yong was commendable with just his confidence.
Ji-ho, a novice like Sol, seemed to have excellent singing skills at first listen. Instead of singing songs with proper technique and phrasing, he continuously hummed without any breaks. He sang almost every word as if he were a drunken uncle, humming them like a melody.
Even though it might be amusing, his humming wasn’t just a simple humming. Sol couldn’t help but look at him with a strange expression. His volume could rival a speaker even without a microphone, and his sound was robust and resonant. It was a voice that seemed to sprint straight ahead. Sol couldn’t help but turn around several times as the voice passed by from behind.
The more he observed, the more he felt that the biggest problem with this team was himself. As he thought about it, he felt increasingly burdened and sorry, struggling like someone desperately trying to stay afloat in deep water.
After the lesson, the dance trainer sighed deeply, leaving Sol with a serious reminder to think about things once again, then disappeared.
“Good job.”
“Everyone worked hard.”
“Ugh, I thought I was suffocating.”
“Don’t lie down. Clean up quickly.”
As Deuk-yong collapsed onto the floor, Ga-ram nudged him with his toe, urging him to hurry up. Irritation finally stuck to his sluggish face. From the middle of the lesson, Ga-ram seemed annoyed, as if his movements were not satisfying.
“Kang Ga-ram, just let it be and go.”
“Again?”
“Yeah. Everyone can go out first.”
As Ga-ram picked up the pieces of tissue and an empty water bottle on the floor, Tae-oh tried to stop him. It seemed like Tae-oh intended to stay alone in the practice room again. Feeling half apologetic and half cautious, Sol quietly gathered his belongings without saying anything in response to Tae-oh, who was standing silently. Leaving Tae-oh alone, the three went towards their dormitory after saying goodbye to Yeong-ho.
Throughout the way to the dorm, Deuk-yong staggered as he complained about wanting to eat ramen and walked unsteadily. With a grumbling voice, Ji-ho said, ‘Excuse me. Is Mr. Kim Deuk-yong drunk?’ and teased, prompting the youngest to retaliate by elbowing the older one even more.
“About Tae-oh, does he stay back and practice every day?”
“...Well, something like that.”
For some reason, Ga-ram’s expression seemed like he didn’t want to talk more, so Sol quietly followed him. As the tension gradually eased and Sol’s body felt limp, his steps fell behind. Today, Ga-ram didn’t seem to have the patience to wait for Sol. Truthfully, there was no obligation for him to wait at all.
Turning the corner, as the appearance of the dorm began to be visible, someone suddenly emerged from the opposite side. Sol, who was about to become a melted lump, couldn’t react immediately even when he saw the unexpected passerby. Just before the collision, Ga-ram quickly grabbed Sol by the collar. He narrowly avoided being hit.
The person who popped out in the alley was wearing a hood pulled down, and the protruding curls seemed long. The figure appeared to be a woman with a small build. Although there was no actual collision, Sol, who was shocked, attempted to bow in apology. Ga-ram pulled him away.
“Uhm, sorry.”
“Let’s go quickly.”
“No, I should apologize. We almost collided.”
“The other person came out first, so you don’t need to apologize.”
Dragged by Ga-ram’s hand, Sol immediately resumed walking. Hurriedly walking alongside the other, he sneakily looked back, and the girl who almost collided with him was standing there, staring at him. Her face was not clearly visible under the hood, but she seemed roughly the same age. Sol slightly bowed to apologize and caught up with Ga-ram, aligning his steps with the other.
Upon returning to the dorm, everyone sat down on the living room floor without saying a word. Ga-ram alone disappeared into the bathroom to shower, while Deuk-yong complained, and the completely exhausted Sol lay on the floor for a while longer. After showering last, Sol lay in his room, turned on his phone, and reflected on the events of the day.
It’s his phone. He had to submit it again by tomorrow, but still, he thought recording events in here might still be helpful. He entered the tips that Tae-oh, Ji-ho, and Ga-ram taught him throughout the day, reflecting on them as he continued inputting.
Writing about the events of the day like a diary, Sol finished recording in the notepad and briefly covered his phone. Sol, who was preparing to get some rest, recalled what Tae-oh had said in the morning and decided to search for things like ‘male idols’ or ‘K-POP charts’ on a portal site.
Among the densely populated posts, Sol saw a familiar name and touched the screen. It was a picture of Eun-gyeom, wearing a white shirt and smiling confidently under a strong spotlight.
Since the text was in black and the photos were colorful, Sol, who had a tiring day and low concentration, quickly scrolled through the screen. Without reading properly, Sol’s eyes caught bold letters.
‘Have to do it.’ Sol didn’t particularly like phrases like ‘have to do’ or ‘must do.’ Even if it’s something he started out of love, saying ‘must do’ made him feel uneasy. It’s like being forced to do something he really didn’t want to do. So, he tried to say ‘I will do it’ rather than ‘have to do it.’ It seemed like even from such small self-talk, his attitude had changed.
Throughout the day, Sol carried the words ‘have to do it’ and ‘must do it’ in his mind. Of course, it was just a mental repetition, but he repeated it constantly to the point that it wouldn’t be strange even if he thought he hypnotized himself or simply became neurotic.
Suddenly intrigued by that one phrase, Sol furrowed his brow and read through Eun-gyeom’s interview content. After passing 1 o’clock, the once noisy dorm fell silent. No more sounds of Ji-ho, Ga-ram, or Deuk-yong could be heard.
The noisy day seemed to have finally come to an end. Using the silence as a pillow, Sol also began to close his eyes slowly. As if about to fall asleep or engaged in a conversation with a sense of uncertainty, Sol quietly blinked his eyes. As Sol’s eyelids gradually became heavier, he slowly lowered his eyes.
‘Oh, right! Proficiency!’
In the midst of the chaos, he remembered not properly checking the frequent notification windows that kept popping up. At first, he diligently read through them, but as the practice repeated, he found them increasingly annoying and dismissed them one by one.
thank you for the translation!
ReplyDelete