“...I.”
Sol wasn’t exactly sure what he was apologizing for, but he apologized anyway. The expression on Ga-ram’s face as he looked at himself seemed to suggest that he was expecting a certain response. He felt sorry that he couldn’t provide that answer.
Ga-ram smiled at Sol’s apology. Although it wasn’t the answer he had hoped for, just the fact that a blunt response like before didn’t come back was somewhat reassuring. Initially, he thought Sol would disappear in a few days, but now things were different. No more indecisiveness; he didn’t like weird guys coming in either, and most of all, Ga-ram wanted to be with Sol.
“You know, I wanted to be a singer since I was young. I wanted to write and sing my own songs.”
“A singer-songwriter, huh?”
“Yeah. I always wanted to be a singer. But then the company wanted me to dance. Honestly, I didn’t really want to dance. I’m not good at it either...”
“Yeah.”
Sol nodded at Ga-ram’s words. In truth, Ga-ram invested a lot of time in dancing, perhaps more than anyone else. He used to practice endlessly repeating a single movement. Watching him practice like that, even Sol, who was criticized down to his toes, fingertips, and even his breathing before competitions, was fed up.
Compared to other members, Ga-ram was slow to memorize dance moves and didn’t know how to move his body well. It’s not that Ga-ram couldn’t dance, but it was also uncertain whether he danced well considering the amount of practice he put in.
“I got scolded a lot, and I didn’t want to do it... But then I met Tae-oh. It was something I didn’t want to do, but doing it together made it bearable. It became fun. Even though I didn’t feel like doing it at the time, afterward, I felt a sense of pride and had good memories from it, you know?”
Sol nodded. The sense of accomplishment had a truly unique aspect to it. No matter how much he disliked or struggled with something, once he finally completed it, he would feel a sense of accomplishment, and over time, the difficulties of that period would often be viewed more positively and remembered fondly.
“I used to think that since I wrote the song, I should sing it.”
“I heard Ji-ho hyung also prepared for a solo, and it sounds like you did too.”
“Yeah. Ji-ho hyung was more into ballads and R&B.”
“I heard he was with another company...”
“Yeah, Ji-ho hyung got selected from an audition program when he was young. He was with a bigger and more famous company than ours.”
“I see... Ji-ho hyung really sings well. Among the people I know, he’s the best.”
Actually, he didn’t know many people, but it was clear that it would be quite rare to find someone who sings as well as Ji-ho. Even as someone with limited musical ability like him, it was puzzling why Ji-ho hadn’t debuted yet.
“Sol, I hope you’ll sing my songs for me later.”
Sol hadn’t heard the songs made by Ga-ram yet. Even at the dorm, he always carried his laptop around and seemed to be constantly working on something, but Sol, who was unfamiliar with that area, couldn’t quite grasp it well. Whenever Ji-ho pretended to know something, Ga-ram would feel embarrassed and immediately turn off the screen. Also, he rarely asked Tae-oh anything.
When other members praised Ga-ram, Sol would just nod and say, ‘You’re good’. As Sol was about to finish the conversation and move on, he had to stop walking again at Ga-ram’s words. As if doubting his ears, whether he had heard the words correctly just now, Sol turned his body and looked at Ga-ram. Then, pointing his finger at his pale face, he asked again.
“Huh? Me? Not Ji-ho hyung?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Can I really...? No, can that even be possible? Ji-ho hyung is better than me....”
“I like your voice.”
Sol blushed openly at Ga-ram’s straightforward words. Sol felt incredibly embarrassed, like a young and inexperienced boy receiving his first-ever confession, wanting nothing more than to disappear. Embarrassed, Sol lightly pushed Ga-ram’s shoulder. Although he didn’t put any strength into it, Ga-ram’s shoulders moved back as if pushed, then he immediately corrected his posture. Ga-ram also laughed heartily, as if amused by what their actions.
“Of course, Ji-ho hyung sings better.”
“What?”
“So, I wish we could debut together.”
“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”
When Sol, feeling embarrassed by Garam’s words, shivered and shook his head, Garam found this sight quite amusing and laughed even louder. Sol seemed to have found stability over the past few days, and other members, including Ga-ram, were also experiencing a similar sense of calmness. Amidst the constant addition and disappearance of people, clouding the atmosphere and causing disruptions, Sol was able to regain stability and find his place within the group.
At first, there was a bit of struggle, but Sol made sincere efforts and didn’t disappear. Even though the preparation period was almost non-existent, he quickly gained talents that could keep up with the other members, and there was nothing missing. Even if Sol didn’t say it properly, all the members knew vaguely that he was having some problems.
Everyone had their own story or problems. As time went on, Ga-ram found himself increasingly drawn not only to Sol’s voice but also to Sol himself. As Ga-ram’s face turned bright red, Ga-ram quickly passed Sol, fearing that if he let himself blush even more, his face might burst red like an overripe tomato.
“Let’s go inside. Tired?”
“Why are you suddenly blushing red like that?”
“I just... want us to keep being on the same team...”
“Are you telling me to work even harder?”
“How else can you work harder? Even Tae-oh couldn’t do that. Sol, don’t push yourself.”
As Ga-ram interfered and used Tae-oh as an example, Sol let out a weak laugh. Originally, Sol was also a practice bug, but Tae-oh was even much stricter to himself. There was no way to play even a short song for three minutes carelessly.
“And don’t wander alone like this again.”
“Got it.”
In response to Ga-ram’s resumed worries and nagging, Sol sighed and stepped onto the stairs. Despite the late hour, the dormitory was brightly lit. It seemed both Ji-ho and Deuk-yong were waiting in the living room. When Sol entered, both Deuk-yong, who was sprawled out on the couch, rattling off the names of the food, and Ji-ho, who was pressing his palm firmly against his forehead, jumped up.
“Have you been practicing until this hour?”
“He was walking by himself.”
“What? Sol-ah.”
“Ji-ho hyung, Ga-ram already lectured me.”
As Ji-ho’s eyes narrowed sharply, preparing to lay out a barrage of nagging, Sol stretched his arm to block Ji-ho. He had already received enough lectures from Ga-ram and was aware of the issues. Ji-ho’s lectures tended to be lengthy and didn’t end after just one verse. But since Ji-ho wasn’t one to back down easily, he reluctantly added a few more words.
“Sol-ah, you really need to be especially careful. You seem delicate and somewhat sensitive, like someone who others might want to bully.”
“What are you saying, hyung?”
Deuk-yong’s mouth fell open as he stared at Ji-ho.
“No, don’t you feel a bit like teasing Sol when you see him? That kind of provocative feeling, you know?”
“Ji-ho hyung... Are you a pervert?”
“No. It’s this--“
After Deuk-yong, Ga-ram looked at Ji-ho with a face that seemed to have heard something strange, and Ji-ho quickly defended himself as his face turned red.
“With Deuk-yong, just putting on a stern face would do the trick, but... no, with him, it’s more of a problem if he puts on a serious face.”
“Ah, Ji-ho hyung!”
“If Deuk-yong says things like ‘No,’ ‘Don’t do it,’ it might come off as a personality issue or something similar, but when it comes to Sol...”
“How about Sol?”
As Ji-ho trailed off, giving Deuk-yong a quick side glance, Ga-ram, waiting for his response, urged him on. He seemed worried that he might be called a ‘pervert’ for constantly glancing at Deuk-yong.
“If Sol acts like that, wouldn’t you want to do it more?”
“This hyung won’t do. I didn’t realize until now, but he’s a strange person.”
“No, think about it. Imagine. Tae-oh has a bit of a tough vibe, you know.”
“If Tae-oh hyung puts on a serious expression, it’s almost like he’s telling you to scram, like a bodyguard or something.”
“If Tae-oh says ‘Don’t do it,’ you’ll probably just quietly comply.”
“Right? But what if Sol says ‘Don’t do it’?”
Ji-ho asked the two. Sol really wanted to go into the room and take a rest, but he couldn’t just ignore them talking about him. And as he listened, he found himself curious about the answer.
“Well... Wouldn’t you still do it? Why do it when told not to.”
“Ah, Kang Ga-ram, you don’t get it. You don’t know anything.”
To Ga-ram’s entirely sensible response, Ji-ho waved his hand dismissively. Ji-ho seemed frustrated that his words weren’t getting through, and he made a peculiar expression towards Sol and flicked his finger as if pinching something.
“I understand what Ji-ho hyung is saying.”
“Is that so?”
“What are you talking about? Everyone, hurry up and go to bed.”
As he listened quietly, feeling that the conversation was awkward, Sol jumped in between the three of them, trying to break the tension. Snatching his bag from Ga-ram’s grasp, Sol went into his room, leaving the three of them still talking on the same topic. A moment later, after grabbing some clothes and taking a shower, Sol returned to find the three still engaged in intense debate, shaking his head.
“No, listen. Ga-ram-ah, you know less than Deuk-yong.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, Ga-ram hyung, you’re more clueless than I thought.”
“What are you saying? Seriously.”
“Enough. Everyone should go to sleep.”
“Goodnight, Sol-ah.”
“Ji-ho hyung!”
As soon as Sol raised his voice, Ji-ho opened his mouth wide and burst into laughter. It was clearly intentional. After finishing his shower with warm water and coming out, Sol found the living room quiet, the debate seemingly concluded. He tidied up the towel soaked in sweat from the practice room and changed his clothes. The items, once spilled and now gathered, were a mess inside the bag.
The used and unused were mixed together, making it impossible to distinguish. Finally, Sol overturned the bag, putting all the clothes into the washing machine. Finished organizing the bag, Sol suddenly felt empty. He couldn’t find his phone in his pants pocket or jacket pocket.
“Where did I put it?”
