Sol, who had been staring blankly at his palm, looked up when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. Through his messy bangs, he saw Ga-ram approaching. Ga-ram’s eyebrows, which typically drooped lazily, were now noticeably raised.
“Where is Yeong-ho hyung? Did you come alone?”
“Uh, Yeong-ho hyung had something to take care of...”
“I told you not to go back alone. What’s with the bag?”
“Oh... that. I tripped.”
Approaching Sol with a step, Ga-ram’s face was noticeably pale. Although he had fair skin like Sol, today he appeared even paler, almost as white as a sheet of paper. As Sol bent down to pick up the bag scattered on the ground, explaining with a flustered face, Ga-ram acted first.
Ga-ram picked up Sol’s bag, which had been knocked around on the floor, and gathered the items sticking out such as clothes, a towel, bandages, and the like, putting them back inside. From the contents alone, it looked more like the bag of an athlete rather than that of an idol trainee.
“Are you hurt? Are you okay?”
“Yeah... just a little on my palm.”
“Let me see.”
Sol held out his palm abruptly. Though there was a mark, there was no noticeable injury, and Ga-ram nodded in reassurance.
“Why did you return alone? You should’ve called me.”
“It was getting too late. It was time to shower and sleep. I didn’t want you to come out just because of me.”
He felt sorry for constantly asking Ga-ram to pick him up. Yet taking a break from practice wasn’t an option, and since today’s delay wasn’t a big deal, he acted nonchalantly. However, seeing Ga-ram’s serious expression made Sol feel a bit guilty.
“It’s not like I’m a kid or anything. Besides, the distance isn’t far.”
Sol continued to make excuses, observing Ga-ram’s demeanor, which had shifted from his usual lethargic expression to a serious and stern look, almost as if he were as strict as a blank sheet of paper. When Sol’s eyes briefly met Ga-ram’s, Sol awkwardly attempted a smile. Seeing Sol’s expression, Ga-ram responded as if to ask, “When did you start acting like this?” He then relaxed his eyes and returned to his usual calm demeanor.
As Ga-ram looked at Sol’s defeated face, he couldn’t maintain a stern expression any longer, and his face naturally softened. However, it couldn’t just be overlooked. It was something that typically happened once, then twice, and soon enough, several times.
“From now on, don’t do that. Sol, even trainees can attract sasaeng fans. It’s not good.”
“To trainees? How would they know about me...”
“A very handsome and pretty man who commutes to YC Entertainment every day. It’s hard not to know.”
“…Hmm.”
Unable to come up with a rebuttal, Sol awkwardly smiled. It still felt uncomfortable to openly receive compliments about being good-looking or pretty.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Normally, if you like someone and become a fan, don’t you need to know a bit about them?”
“I get what you’re saying, but there are people who deliberately follow only trainees.”
“Deliberately?”
“You don’t know. When someone tells me they like me, especially when my self-esteem is already low, I’m grateful. Of course, there are genuinely kind and grateful people, but anyway, what I’m saying is don’t go around alone like this.”
“Got it. I’ll be careful.”
Suddenly, Sol remembered the two figures he had encountered as he left the company. Despite not being interested in this world, Sol had heard of sasaeng fans and extreme personal fans. He had read news about people going to famous celebrities’ residences or stalking, almost at the level of criminal activity.
He thought they must experience such things because they were well-known public figures, but he hadn’t considered such incidents happening to trainees who hadn’t even debuted yet. And until he experienced it firsthand, he had casually dismissed it as someone else’s issue and nodded thoughtlessly. Wandering alone in an alley at this hour wasn’t exactly safe, so he decided not to say anything more to lessen Ga-ram’s worries.
“You’re close by. What’s so hard about coming to pick you up?”
“But how did you know I was about to return?”
“It’s already late, and you still haven’t returned. You’re also not answering my call. I was worried.”
“I didn’t want to bother you. I still made you come out like this, anyway.”
“I could have come out a little earlier.”
Ga-ram narrowed one eye slightly while making eye contact with Sol. Whether Sol contacted him or not, Ga-ram still came to pick him up. Despite intending to show consideration in his own way, he ended up adding worry on top of the inconvenience.
Sol extended his hand, asking Ga-ram to return his bag that Ga-ram was holding. However, Ga-ram reached out with his opposite hand, which was empty, instead of handing him the bag. Sol, not comprehending the situation, stared blankly at Ga-ram’s empty hand. After a moment of hesitation, Ga-ram used his empty hand to brush off Sol’s jacket. He fell on the ground, but there wasn’t anything particularly dirty. Ga-ram lightly patted Sol’s waist.
“Give me the bag.”
Sol slightly moved aside and grabbed the handle of his bag that Ga-ram was holding. Instead of handing it over as expected, Ga-ram held onto Sol’s hand and pulled him along. When Sol looked at him with questioning eyes, Ga-ram smiled slowly, meeting his gaze. Sometimes his smile was unexpectedly gentle.
“You tripped. Your palm must hurt. I’ll carry it for you.”
“Now there are no marks left. If it had really hurt, there would have been some signs.”
Sol showed his hand to Ga-ram, devoid of any red marks now. Perhaps due to the thick winter clothing, his knees or elsewhere were not an issue. Giving up on getting his bag back, Sol walked slowly towards their dorm and muttered as he passed by.
Ga-ram, who was following right behind Sol, stopped at his words. Sol glanced back slightly at the sound of footsteps that weren’t moving. Today, as usual, he still stopped in the same spot. It was always the same spot where Ga-ram would pause, whether on his way to the company or coming back to the dorm. When Sol and Ga-ram locked eyes, Garam raised his eyebrows a bit more and after a slight pause, he spoke. It wasn’t much of a statement that would warrant raising eyebrows in curiosity.
“...It must have been like that. It was the same when you collapsed, remember?”
“I heard Tae-oh carried me and took me to the hospital.”
“...I would have done the same. Everyone else would have done it.”
“...Wow. That’s touching. It’s so different from the first time.”
Continuing towards their dorm, Sol replied to Ga-ram’s voice from behind with a slight smile, without turning around. Walking slowly, as if deliberately, to cover the short distance, he sighed. Getting along better with the members was a good thing. Regardless of Sol’s wishes, he had to continue this work and probably face life-threatening challenges every week. Surviving might require him to resort to desperate measures.
“At that time... We were all tired and on edge. But still, that wasn’t the right thing to do.”
“I know. Tae-oh told me the story. And back then, I was also not in the right state of mine.”
At Ga-ram’s words, Sol chuckled softly. At that time, Sol didn’t have much sense or discernment. He didn’t fully understand the situation he was in and was just overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events. Thinking back to their first meeting at Ga-ram’s words, Sol let out a sigh, like air escaping a deflating balloon.
Even though everyone initially buttoned up the first button wrongly, lately it felt like they had managed to get it fitted back correctly, more or less. Thanks to that, he also started feeling a bit more stable. Sol moved forward, recalling the days that had become the past. The dorm that had seemed a bit far off was now suddenly close by. Just as they were about to pass through the wall and cross the entrance to the accommodation, Ga-ram suddenly called out to Sol.
“Sol.”
“Yeah?”
At Ga-ram’s call, Sol turned back. With his movement, the sensors and lights above his head flickered on, casting a warm orange light. In the dim night, only Sol was illuminated.
“Do you still not want to be an idol?”
Due to the light pouring down from above his forehead, Sol’s eyelashes and the shadow of his hair extended. Although his expression momentarily darkened in the shadow cast upon his face, Ga-ram thought that even in that state, it seemed as if Sol’s face was sprinkled with golden dust. The light illuminated the contours of Sol’s cheek. Ga-ram stared at Sol, entranced.
Unlike Ga-ram, Sol was slightly taken aback by the unexpected question. He hesitated, unsure of how to respond. The first time they met, Tae-oh had asked him something. What was it again? Sol rummaged through his memories.
‘Do you want to be an idol?’
‘...Not really.’
Tae-oh’s somewhat blunt voice from the past came to mind, and Sol vividly remembered his response back then. At that time, he had simply thought this was a game... Now, calling it a game felt awkward. Shouldn’t the place where he lived now be called reality? If so, then this place was reality. Despite the hardships, dancing again and singing felt quite enjoyable. Gathering with the members in the practice room and living like before also brought back memories and was fun.
However, becoming an idol? The quest was a matter of life and death, with no choice involved, but simply dancing and becoming an idol were different things. Being an idol was a profession where you had to live under people’s gazes. But Sol was someone who disliked and feared those gazes, fleeing and hiding from everything, someone who had given up.
Sol couldn’t easily answer and nervously chewed on his lips. His immediate life had become familiar, and the weekend evaluation quest distracted his mind, missing out on bigger things. It was the most fundamental problem. Could he become an idol? Rather, did he want to?
His lips, chewed raw, seemed a bit precarious, but Ga-ram did not press Sol and waited for his answer. He briefly thought he was asking something unnecessary, but Ga-ram wanted to confirm. Although he seemed unaware himself, Sol was changing rapidly. And at least Ga-ram believed that this change was not in a bad direction for Sol or for them.
“I’m sorry. I still don’t really know....”
“I see.”
“I’m sorry.”
