Sol couldn’t see what happened to Ji-ho and Deuk-yong, obscured by Tae-oh’s large figure. Even after Sol slammed the door shut, he could still hear the sound of ‘ack, ack’ for a while.
The sound gradually faded away and soon changed into Deuk-yong’s playful laughter. As the practice room quieted down, Sol pulled out a music sheet filled with notes.
It was feedback from the vocal lesson earlier that day. Detailed notes were taken on areas needing attention, like pronunciation, handling of ending notes, and specific details in case he might forget again. He hadn’t taken notes this thoroughly, even during university lectures. Sol rose from his seat, holding the sheet music and closing his eyes. He visualized the stage in his mind. Having never experienced a stage as an idol, the stage he conjured was far from extravagant, more eerily silent like the calm before a storm.
The unforgettable stage where he made mistakes unfolded in his mind. Spotlights, filling the dark seats with one audience member after another. As each took their seat, Sol’s breathing grew rough, and his shoulders twitched. With eyes tightly shut, Sol opened his lips and delivered the lyrics. Despite imagining only an audience watching, his voice wouldn’t come out, and his entire body trembled.
Through practicing for several days, Sol realized that recently he found this situation more challenging when there were no members present than when they were there. Why did going through hardship together make them closer? Wasn’t there something like that? Each day was unique, and Sol found himself relying heavily on Tae-oh and Ga-ram, especially. Even the usually not present Eun-gyeom.
He disliked the rough, short breaths that came out due to nervousness, causing his breathing to shorten. Unable to properly vocalize, Sol finally opened his eyes, unable to bear it any longer.
In an instant, his immersion was broken, and he gasped for breath like someone being pulled out of water. In just a short while, he was drenched in sweat. It had only been a few minutes, but he felt completely exhausted. After taking a long, steady breath, Sol closed his eyes again as his breathing settled. He repeated this imagery training without completing a full song for two reasons.
Firstly, it was to ensure a smooth pass in this week’s evaluation. Falling again was not an option. Secondly, it was based on a discovery made during practice: proficiency tended to improve a bit faster in a state of trauma than in a relaxed state.
*Starlight - Dreamer Dance Proficiency 91%
Vocal Proficiency 60%
During that brief break, even though he couldn’t warm up properly, his vocal proficiency increased by 7%. It was a faster pace than when practicing with other members in a relatively relaxed state during lessons. Still, thankfully, although this endeavor was challenging, the more he did it, the longer he could endure.
He unexpectedly liked this evaluation song. It’s a lively song with bouncy choreography and quite hopeful lyrics. It’s a cheerful song that he would never have listened to normally. Like Ji-ho said, it was a bit much to act fresh and lively, but listening to it made him feel quite good.
“Stop whining. Don’t expect a special miracle. Follow the brightest path among the many paths you’re connected to and run along it now. Jump Jump, leap up. Jump Jump, reach higher like that first day.”
Maybe it’s because of the lyrics? Not only he but also Deuk-yong and the other members were truly enjoying themselves, singing and dancing energetically. It was nice to see the faces of the members that appeared along the way, moving according to the choreography. Even though their faces passed by briefly, like a scene outside the window, it was evident that they were enjoying themselves. After catching his breath and sitting down for a moment, the practice room door suddenly swung open. Yeong-ho entered, carrying bags in both hands.
“Sol-ah, here’s your phone for now. Just wait a moment. I’ll be back soon.”
“Yes. Take your time.”
Seeing Yeong-ho looking rushed and busy, he nodded and focused back on practicing.
“Hmm.”
His mouth felt dry and his throat was scratchy, so he cleared his throat with a cough. Because he had been peering at the sheet music for so long, his eyes were starting to blur. When he checked the clock, he realized that quite some time had passed in the blink of an eye. It had been quite a while since he decided to practice a bit more until Yeong-ho returned.
Checking the phone that Yeong-ho had handed over, he found a missed call from the other. Then there was a message of apology, saying something urgent came up, and told him to contact Ga-ram or other members and return with them together. He replied that he understood after checking the message.
Judging by the time, by now Deuk-yong and Ga-ram would have finished their exercises and were propely readying to go back. Sol didn’t want to unnecessarily call out the members who had just sat down to rest. Sol hesitated briefly after checking his phone contacts, then stopped after grabbing his bag.
The distance from the company to the dormitory was short, and he was familiar with the route. As he exited the company gate, he was startled to see two women standing right by the company wall. He hadn’t thought anyone would be there, so he was especially surprised to see them standing faintly in the dimly lit area.
They were consistently gazing up at the upper floors of the building. Sol followed their gaze and noticed that lights were brightly lit on the middle floors of the company building. Occasionally, the faint silhouette of someone passed by. Due to the darkness and backlighting, it was hard to discern who they were, but both of the two people standing by the wall seemed to be waiting for someone busy up until this hour.
‘Who could it be? Eun-gyeom hyung...?’
Sol had only seen the practice room and cafeteria in the company. Sol shrugged his shoulders, untangling his hair that had been tied up all day and left messy marks. The bangs, covering his eyesight just right, pricked slightly against his cheek. With wet hair like a soaked dog, Sol walked into the alley.
Walking alone for the first time in a while, Sol took out his phone. Even if it was with Yeong-ho the whole day, Sol’s phone still felt unfamiliar. The contact list was no exception, and the unfamiliar family photos inside were the same.
Although the photos were eerie beyond measure, he couldn’t bring himself to delete them. As a result, even when he got his phone back, he rarely checked it or held onto it. Finally checking his phone, Sol opened the memo pad where he had written down various notes. The contents he had written down felt just like kindergarten announcements.
‘Do Ji-ho’
‘Good at singing and cooking, a bit scary, laughs like a fox.’
‘Kang Ga-ram. Ga-ram. Same age. Like a cat.’
Sol burst into laughter when he read the note he had written. It was not the resemblance in appearance but rather a feeling similar to those street-smart, bold cats that were good at scavenging and had a strong attitude, like one you might find in the neighborhood. The cat-like feeling was of lazily toasting bread and sitting down, blinking its eyes, and saying “whatever” in a nonchalant manner. Sol added another line about Ga-ram at the bottom of the note.
‘Weak ankles.’
Ga-ram often twisted her ankles. Whenever he moved hastily or turned quickly, it inevitably happened. Some people Sol knew had the same issue, especially during dance practices. Although it’s a minor issue, continuous twisting led to ligament problems, causing occasional troubles. Originally, it started as a note to help with memory lapses, but it evolved into recording trivial matters as our bond grew.
For instance, ‘DK dislikes cucumbers. Always exclude them from side dishes. Enjoys jjajangmyeon and ice cream.’ Insterestingly, the space after Tae-oh’s name, with whom he shared a room and spend most of his day with, was mostly blank. He couldn’t easily jot down anything. Tae-oh didn’t talk much to begin with, and he wasn’t good at expressing his likes or dislikes.
‘Be punctual for appointments!! Absolutely important!!’
Other than this, he didn’t write much else. The other’s family situation was unforgettable. Sol quietly added a line underneath that said, ‘He finds his situation difficult.’ Then Sol also added his name. Lately, he discovered quite a bit about himself. ‘Loves to dance.’
‘And misses friends.’
Suddenly, his nose twitched, and he felt a warmth in his eyes. Sol tucked his phone into his pocket and then raised his head, gazing up at the dark night sky. There wasn’t a single star, and the faint moon was being swallowed by signboard lights.
As he caught sight of the familiar alley where Garam always stopped, Sol proceeded wearily with hesitant steps. He missed Ju-hwan and Yoo-chan. These days, with Eun-gyeom not around as well, thoughts of Ju-hwan came to mind even more.
Lost in thought about his friends, Sol hurriedly passed through the alley and collided directly with someone swiftly walking by, without noticing them in time. It felt like colliding with someone who was charging straight at him as if intentionally aiming for a collision.
Defenseless Sol completely lost his balance and plopped down on the asphalt, his bag thrown aside, along with his clothes, water bottle, and other items spilling onto the ground. Even though it was the other person who had dashed towards him, Sol reflexively apologized.
“Ouch!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Until coming here, he had always wandered around in a distracted state, so incidents like this were not uncommon. There was even a time when he had collided with a tree and fallen over. He had been nagged by Yoo-chan and Ju-hwan for a week after that incident. Despite the pain from the pebbles embedded in his palm, Sol brushed it off and got back on his feet. Only then did he see the person he had collided with—a woman wearing a hat. Without looking at Sol, the woman quickly gathered his spilled belongings back into her eco bag. Sol repeatedly apologized while hurriedly collecting the items scattered on the ground.
“I’m sorry. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”
“I’m fine.”
The person, with her head bowed deeply under the hat, didn’t offer an apology. She snatched the tissue Sol handed to her and swiftly packed her belongings into her eco bag before disappearing in haste past Sol. Stunned by the sudden turn of events, Sol stood there dumbfounded for a moment. As soon as the situation ended, his palm began to sting sharply. The evidence of the pebbles in his palm was striking.
“Sung Sol!”
“Huh?”
