Sol looked down at the familiar floor. It was a dance floor with a familiar, soft elasticity. It wasn’t happiness that came from getting along with the members. It was a happiness to practice and dance together with them.
Suddenly, his nose felt stuffy, and heat gathered around his eyes. The stage still felt daunting, and his body couldn’t move freely. As the performance was about to begin, his heart would start to beat anxiously, and unconsciously, he would clench his fists tightly. However, after each song ended, he found that when his breath became suffocating and his lungs felt tight, that appropriate pain provided a sense of relief. He wasn’t talking about enjoying pain like some kind of pervert.
As Tae-oh said, it’s akin to a mark left behind from enduring until the end. Whenever he felt pain, it felt like a form of acknowledgment to Sol, as if saying, ‘This time, you didn’t run away.’ Under Tae-oh’s influence, Sol reflected on why he had quit dancing. It may sound cliché, but dancing was everything to Sol; it was his whole life and routine. Losing that routine was like losing his everyday life. Back then, he simply thought it was painful and difficult. He just felt burdened and wanted to avoid everything that weighed him down and suppressed him. He didn’t have the strength or courage to endure.
Sol briefly wondered what was different now compared to then. He lost his parents overnight, but he still felt hungry at meal times and managed to eat well. In fact, he could still dance well. But it seemed like that wouldn’t be enough. It seemed like the gazes directed at him were expressing sadness and pity, as if saying he was unfortunate and unhappy. Sol raised his head and looked at the members.
There was none of that here. There was no one forcing him to be sad, whether it was a dream or reality. Of course, they might not know much about Sol or his past, but even when they found out Sol had a kind of phobia, their reactions were consistent. They praised his efforts to change and encouraged and waited for him. Sol was slightly happy now.
“What’s wrong? You should come to the center.”
Sol looked up at Tae-oh’s call.
“Sol hyung spaced out again.”
“No, I just had a brief thought.”
“Okay, okay. Let’s hurry up and start. Fresh and innocent like earlier.~”
The members often thought that Sol spaced out or zoned out because of his personality, believing it happened when he was physically exhausted. Of course, while his actual stamina wasn’t great, misunderstandings often arose due to his frequent breaks for fatigue management and various additional reactions triggered by trauma.
Deuk-yong, who went to exercise every night, often teased Sol for being weak. Ji-ho held his cheeks, then winked at Sol. It seemed like a signal for Sol to smile, similar to how he had smiled a little while ago. As Ji-ho continued to wink repeatedly, Tae-oh leaned towards Sol, noticing Sol’s attention drawn to Ji-ho’s repeated winking.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
After the first weekend evaluation, if Sol seemed dazed or showed unusual behavior, Ga-ram and Tae-oh would promptly inquire about Sol’s well-being. Sol wanted to explain and clear up the misunderstanding, not because he was inherently weak, but because he lacked the confidence to explain the collapse from that day and the penalties and fatigue that often followed. Therefore, Sol left it alone, allowing the two to misunderstand.
As Sol nodded, Ga-ram swiftly pressed the record button on the phone attached to the center mirror and quickly moved over to stand behind Sol. Just as quickly, a chime-like sound, reminiscent of sprinkling stardust, emanated from the speaker. Sol took a deep breath. After hearing the chime, Sol took another deep breath. One, two, three. This time, his steps were very light.
***
“Again?”
Everyone’s attention turned to Ji-ho’s surprised voice. Ji-ho raised an eyebrow and gave Sol a sidelong glance.
“Just return for today.”
“Otherwise, you’ll collapse again. Practice is good, but you also need to take care of yourself.”
After finishing practice and tidying up, when Sol had stayed behind to continue practicing alone, this was the kind of reaction he received. After the first weekend evaluation, Sol continued to push himself to practice, seeking to make up for any shortcomings. It was understandable because his lack of skill was visibly evident; he couldn’t sit still knowing this. He also needed to make up for mistakes from the previous evaluation, so he couldn’t easily fall asleep back at the dorm due to these thoughts and worries.
Staying longer to improve his proficiency a bit more, and then entering the practice room, he would immediately collapse from exhaustion. There would be no room for distractions or idle thoughts, and it served as a stepping stone for quest completion, a win-win situation. But Ga-ram and Ji-ho didn’t see it that way. As Ga-ram and Ji-ho interjected, even Tae-oh, who had been picking up water bottles and towels rolling around on the floor, stopped to look at the three.
Deuk-yong, seeming unbothered as usual, hadn’t considered the idea of standing up from the sprawled position on the floor. Sol checked the system window once again.
*Starlight - Dreamer Dance Skill Proficiency 91%
Vocal Skill Proficiency 53%
While dance skill proficiency was nearing 100%, vocals were only at half. There was still a long way to go. With the next evaluation less than two days away and seeing the proficiency at 53%, Sol couldn’t comfortably go back to the dorm and sleep. It was a matter of life and death.
“I’m really fine! And I probably won’t sleep even if I go back...”
Sol quickly made excuses, fearing that Tae-oh would join in, leading to more excessive protection and nagging.
“Sol, aren’t you pushing yourself too hard?”
“No, I’m not. Because... don’t worry. I’ll just do a bit more vocal practice and then go back.”
Tae-oh slightly lowered his head, observing Sol’s face as if checking on his condition. Perhaps because Tae-oh was a person of few words, he tended to act more before speaking. As a result, there were moments when he would quietly gaze at Sol, seemingly trying to assess his state. Then, without fail, he would take the initiative in situations where Sol would be uncomfortable or quickly take care of things that were necessary.
Despite his blunt expression, he was unmatched in sensitivity. Sol repeatedly reassured the members to put them at ease by saying everything was okay. This evaluation was a moment where Sol reaffirmed to himself that under no circumstances, no matter what, he must avoid collapsing or getting hurt.
If such a thing were to happen again, Ga-ram or Ji-ho might end up lecturing Sol while keeping a close eye on him. Although he had a younger exterior, inside he was still the twenty-five-year-old Sung Sol. He appreciated everyone’s subtle concern, like they were looking out for him like a child, but honestly, it felt suffocating.
“I have to go to the hospital today... Kang Ga-ram.”
“It’s okay. Everyone’s too overprotective. Ga-ram needs rest too.”
“I’m fine. I’ll practice with you.”
Perhaps because Tae-oh had been practicing together with Sol for the past few days, he gestured towards Ga-ram as if signaling him to stay. Sol quickly intervened upon seeing the signal, but Ga-ram didn’t back down.
Practicing with the penalty of the trait ‘Unlucky Genius Dancer’ wasn’t easy, but he persevered. He felt he could control it enough now. He didn’t have to insist on practicing alone anymore, but he still felt shy about revealing himself to the members while singing in front of others.
“Oh... Ga-ram hyung, then what about me? You said you’d go exercise together.”
Sol clenched his fists inwardly. Sometimes, the oblivious Deuk-yong played a significant role in this way. Deuk-yong furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Garam like a guilty puppy. Deukyong, feeling scared to exercise alone even with the big size of his body, always insisted on taking one of the members with him whenever he went out to exercise at night. Of course, Sol was always excluded from this arrangement.
Once, when Sol offered to go out together, Deukyong shook his head and said to Sol, ‘Hyung, you can’t protect me. I have to protect you!’ while tilting his head sideways. Feeling awkward and unsure, Sol didn’t ask him again after that. Seeing the pitiful expression on Deuk-yong’s face, Ga-ram glanced back and forth between Sol and Deuk-yong. Sol didn’t miss that look of hesitation.
“Everyone, go back. Tae-oh will go, and when Yeong-ho hyung returns, I’ll go back with Yeong-ho hyung. Okay?”
“Still, practicing together is...”
“I’ll concentrate better on my own.”
“Okay, let him practice alone. It would probably be more comfortable for him that way.”
“Everyone, go back to the dorm and rest! I’ll take care of the cleanup, too.”
Sol no longer felt uncomfortable practicing together with Tae-oh, Ji-ho, and the other members, who were all providing various forms of support. There was no downside for Sol in staying with them. In fact, there was more to gain. To be honest, the practice room in the early morning sometimes felt a bit empty and eerie, which made Sol feel uneasy occasionally. However, the main reason Sol refused to let them stay was out of a sense of guilt.
It was because everyone seemed tired, yet they would stay and practice out of concern for himself, as if they were intentionally staying to practice with him. Sol wondered if he was unnecessarily burdening them because of his own actions. Moreover, having been trainees for a long time, each had their own daily routines. For instance, Deuk-yong would finish practicing and go out for a late-night workout. Sol also didn’t want to interfere with these personal routines.
Sol forcefully pushed Garam’s hesitant back. Pushed by Sol’s feeble arms, Ga-ram kept turning back to look at him. As Sol nearly pushed Ga-ram towards the practice room door, Ji-ho reluctantly raised both hands as if in surrender. With Ji-ho and Ga-ram resolved, Sol pushed Tae-oh, who was still picking up the scattered luggage on the floor.
Deuk-yong, on the other hand, sprawled out and lazily moved, listing food names he wanted to eat and muttering to himself, ‘Ah, I don’t want to go.’ As Sol forcefully drove the members out and half-closed the practice room door, Tae-oh suddenly grabbed the door firmly with his hand and pushed his head forward. Facing each other with just one door panel between them, the faces of the two stood close enough for a hand to fit between them.
“I’m going to stay at the hospital tonight. Yeong-ho hyung will come and pick you up soon.”
Sol slightly nodded and inquired in response to Tae-oh’s statement, who had always made it back to the dormitory, no matter how late it was.
“Then you’re not returning to the dorm today?”
“No.”
“Then tomorrow morning...”
At the sudden remark, Sol wondered if something was wrong, but hesitated to ask directly, so he subtly glanced around. Misunderstanding Sol’s reaction, Tae-oh gave a slight, faint smile as he looked down at him. It was a smile, like an older brother looking at a younger sibling.
“I’ll return before you wake up.”
“That’s good. Sol-ah, practice well and go back with Yeong-ho hyung...”
“Got it. I’ll go with Yeong-ho hyung! Or I’ll contact you!”
Sol, thinking that giving more explanations would only waste time, interrupted Ji-ho’s words midway and pushed him away. Despite Sol’s meager strength, the towering Tae-oh didn’t flinch, but Ji-ho and Deuk-yong standing in front of him exclaimed in pain.
“Yoon Tae-oh, it hurts!”
“Ow!”
