Chapter 49

  “Ga-ram?”

Thwack!

It wasn’t intentional, but memories from the past made it a habit. Only after Sol’s short scream did Ga-ram snap out of his thoughts and return to reality. Just like Sol. When he finished practice and came out of the company, or when he went to a convenience store or cafe.

That woman always stood next to him, linking arms or touching his arm. Even when he told her not to follow, she clung to him as if they were a couple or close companions.

At first, he was grateful for that kind of attention. He had impulsively participated in a public audition with the sole thought of becoming a singer, and he managed to stand out. At that time, the company desperately wanted to produce an idol group, so the standards were relatively low. They promoted it as a massive audition and even broadcasted the participants on the internet.

They picked anyone who seemed decent, prioritizing quantity over quality. Although Ga-ram couldn’t dance at all, he had a decent appearance and a good singing voice. There was no downside. Tae-oh was there too. Despite his young age, he stood out and seemed to be walking a path of certainty.

Ga-ram hung around Tae-oh because he was quiet. He didn’t ask questions or talk much. With decent-looking kids continuously exposed, it caused a brief stir. Getting attention made Ga-ram excited like a child. He thought he would soon be recognized, record his songs, and become a real singer once he joined the company. It was a naïve, ignorant thought.

The adult world didn’t work as Ga-ram had thought, and in the meantime, he unknowingly got hurt a lot. As time passed, he grew tired of not getting his way, frustrated by his uncooperative body and lack of improvement.

After becoming a public trainee, he occasionally appeared as a back-up dancer in the music videos or stage performances of senior company artists, maintaining a modest level of popularity. When visiting concert venues or going out, people recognized Tae-oh and Ga-ram, taking photos or following them.

To debuted seniors, it might have seemed laughable, but at the time, amidst hardship and exhaustion, it felt like a ray of light that complete strangers liked him. He often expressed gratitude whenever he encountered them.

He was one of many trainees in the company’s practice room. When his self-esteem was plummeting deeper than the basement practice room he was in everyday, he felt grateful that someone recognized him and remembered his name. Meeting such people gave him a glimpse of potential and hope, providing him comfort.

Though it shouldn’t have happened, he naturally grew closer to familiar faces. Even if the relationship wasn’t significant, they would casually greet each other with “Thank you,” or “Did you come today?” when meeting outside the company. Was it from then? Some people started to be by his side wherever he went. Once he became aware of the situation, it was out of control.

Wearing comfortable clothes to go to the nearby supermarket or taking a nap with the windows open during the hot summer – even these small daily routines began to be invaded. Even when he took a short vacation to spend time with his family, they would take pictures and somehow find his phone number to contact him. “Can I post this picture?” That question felt like a threat.

If he expressed his disapproval of them overstepping boundaries and ignored their contacts, they behaved even worse. They would sell Ga-ram and his family’s phone numbers on the internet, visit his parents’ workplace, or call his phone so many times that he couldn’t turn it on. Even Tae-oh, who was with him, was affected. Especially after Tae-oh’s family suffered an unfortunate accident, Ga-ram felt even more pressured.

He didn’t want Tae-oh’s situation to be recklessly sensationalized on the internet because of him. If he responded once or twice, they would flood social media with cryptic messages, as if they and Ga-ram were in some sort of relationship.

At first, he could definitely ignore it, but before he knew it, he was staying up all night clutching his phone, searching through the posts they wrote about him. What were they saying about him? Even though it was about him, there was nothing he could understand. It felt like they were aliens from another world tormenting him.

As this continued, he naturally became more sensitive. He reacted sharply if anyone even slightly approached him. His sensitivity reached a peak where he couldn’t even walk down the street. If someone came near him, he would push them away and hurry off. It was a time when he lived in a cramped dormitory with about twenty other trainees.

Ga-ram felt like he was going to lose his mind. Naturally, his performance as a trainee couldn’t be good. He was once considered a promising talent, but he plummeted quickly. Tae-oh was the same. He was in and out of the hospital, and there was talk about whether he would quit being a trainee. Their public trainee activities ceased. Ga-ram would overreact, scream, or push people away when they tried to greet him. Naturally, this led to accidents, questions about his character, and insults followed.

In the dormitory, where they had to sleep almost on top of each other, Ga-ram, who was extremely sensitive at that time, couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t just the dorm; he stayed up all night looking at online communities and social media. If there were any stories about trainees or himself, he would stay up all night digging through them.

Around that time, D-Block debuted.

Eun-gyeom gained explosive popularity, and fans started camping in front of the company. If he tried to avoid the crowd by leaving through the back or the basement, two or three people would follow him. Then, they would endlessly say:

‘You should be grateful to us for liking you, a trainee, when there’s a popular group like D-Block.’

‘We are your real fans.’

‘We like you.’

They whispered ceaselessly.

Several times, photos of Ga-ram walking arm-in-arm with a woman under the headline “trainee dating a fan” were uploaded to online communities. Only then did Ga-ram realize that the people engaging in these activities were being mocked and referred to as ‘butsooni’* in the community.

(T/N: A Korean slang term. It is a derogatory term used to refer to obsessive fans who stalk and invade the privacy of celebrities or public figures. These fans engage in extreme behaviors such as following the celebrity everywhere, gathering personal information, and excessively invading their personal space and life.)

The company, overwhelmed by D-Block’s unprecedented success, also noticed Ga-ram only then. On the day he skipped practice and lay in the dormitory, pretending to be sick, he received hundreds of messages asking, “When are you coming out?”

He felt like hiding.

Ga-ram turned off his phone and crawled into the closet. He pulled out his brothers’ clothes, which were haphazardly thrown in and smelled musty, threw them all on the floor, and crouched inside the closet. It was brief, but he thought he wanted to die.

Whether it was fortunate or not, that thought couldn’t last long. At a time when no one was supposed to visit, he heard the door to the dormitory open. At first, Ga-ram thought it was the manager coming to check on him because he was sick.

But it wasn’t. Two women wearing hats, masks, and long coats entered. He saw their very familiar silhouettes moving back and forth through the closet door’s gap. Ga-ram screamed as if he were having a fit and burst out of the closet. He shook off the two women trying to grab him and ran barefoot to the practice room.

Seeing Ga-ram, pale as a corpse, with disheveled hair and running barefoot down the alley, the company finally realized the seriousness of the situation. They returned to the dormitory with the police and company staff, but no trace was found. That day, Ga-ram stuffed all his belongings into a trash bag.

The company advised him to take some time off for treatment and rest at home, but Ga-ram couldn’t go home. He was even more anxious, thinking those people might follow him there. The investigation continued, but no substantial punishment was given.

After all, they were fans on the surface, and Ga-ram was a trainee who would have to rely on fan interest in the future. The worst offenders received only small fines. The police patrolled daily. He had to be in a group on his way to and from work, and the managers took turns accompanying him.

He underwent psychological treatment, and all public activities were completely suspended. As there was no exposure, the interest in Tae-oh and Ga-ram, who were just trainees, quickly waned. Meanwhile, his family moved and changed all their phone numbers. They thought it was resolved that way.

Quite a bit of time had passed. He still reacted sensitively to anything similar, but now he thought he had completely escaped it. Perhaps that’s why he had become a bit complacent.

And so, maybe this horrific thing was creeping back into that empty space.

“Kang Ga-ram.”

The incident that happened between Sol and Ga-ram in the morning occurred once again. Fortunately, this time, it was Tae-oh. He easily dodged Ga-ram’s reflexive swing. Although the collision almost happened with Tae-oh, it was Sol, watching beside them, who was more startled, flinching and raising his elbows to shoulder level.

“Why are you standing there out of it? What are you doing? Hurry up and come.”

Though he didn’t bother to say it, Tae-oh didn’t get angry at Ga-ram’s action; instead, he opened his hand to convey an apology. Knowing that Ga-ram was sensitive to anyone approaching from the side, it was a natural reaction. Ga-ram glanced around the alley. He felt a chill, as if that woman might suddenly jump out from somewhere and cling to him.

“Everyone seems off today. Sol keeps winking, Tae-oh looks like a vampire just risen from a coffin, and Ga-ram, who woke up early, seems like his brain is still asleep.”

At Ji-ho’s words, Deuk-yong shrugged and alternated glances between Tae-oh and Ga-ram. When Ga-ram, who had been standing still, started to move, the rest of the group began to follow. Normally, Tae-oh wouldn’t miss such a reaction from Ga-ram, but today’s Tae-oh didn’t have the energy to care about others. He, too, was a mess.

However, only Sol looked at Ga-ram with anxious eyes. It was a familiar sight, as if he was seeing himself. Sol couldn’t take his eyes off Ga-ram, feeling a sense of kinship from somewhere he couldn’t pinpoint. A part of his heart felt uneasy.

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