“It’s no different from when you dance. Sol, if you’re unsure about a rival, don’t you have someone you hate? Someone you really hate. Think of me and the camera as that person.”
At Eun-gyeom’s words, Sol hesitated for a moment before nodding. Someone he really hated. He wasn’t a saint, so how could there not be someone? Sol suddenly wanted to ask Tae-oh who was the person he hated the most. Would he say it was the person responsible for the accident?
Many faces flashed through Sol’s mind. From childhood, the person who relentlessly bullied him at the dance academy. A college peer who loathed and mocked him. Even the woman who married Ju-hwan. There was even the face of a psychiatrist he briefly saw before switching to another. But none of it mattered. The person Sol hated most wasn’t someone else. It was himself. He was the one who had ruined everything.
As he watched Eun-gyeom walk away, Sol recalled the familiar face he glared at every morning in the bathroom mirror. That face with dull black hair, looking as if it belonged to the most miserable person in the world. A face that he wanted to escape from but couldn’t, and deep down, didn’t even try to escape.
Suddenly, Sol’s expression sank, freezing over like the icy sea in a distant polar region, cold and dark, impossible to fathom. It wasn’t an expression of anger or blatant disdain. It was simply blank. But his sunken eyes were chilling beyond words.
Sol, as pale as if all color had drained from his body, slumped in the chair with his legs crossed, staring at the camera with arrogance. As the large camera suspended from the crane moved closer, his own face reflected in the black lens. He stared into the reflection.
It was the same action he repeated every morning, habitually, before washing his face. Though the director gave the OK signal, Sol didn’t budge. He remained seated in the position Eun-gyeom had adjusted him into, and filming continued. Other extras, who had been waiting, started flooding onto the set. All were dressed in white costumes like Sol, but naturally, he stood out the most.
The extras near him kept glancing at his calm, sunken face. Meanwhile, Eun-gyeom, dressed in stark contrast with his flamboyant outfit, sauntered across the set with a somewhat cocky stride.
That was it. That was the entirety of Sol’s role. As the director’s hearty voice signaled the extras to leave with smiles, Sol tried to get up from his seat. Or rather, he tried.
Like someone who had forgotten how to walk, like a newborn fawn, his legs, crossed as Eun-gyeom had placed them, wouldn’t uncross. As Sol struggled to get up, Ji-ho, noticing something was off, started walking toward him. When he was just about to reach the set platform, Eun-gyeom stepped in front of Sol, blocking his way. He knelt down in front of him and made eye contact.
“Your legs won’t move? You must be really nervous.”
Sol tried to stand up on his own, shifting his body, but he couldn’t move, as if he had turned into stone. Even when he put in all his strength, the best he could do was slightly bend his upper body and barely lift his hips. Watching this, Eun-gyeom smiled and gently massaged Sol’s knees. Sol, relying on his help like a broken doll, made Eun-gyeom smile softly.
That kind smile, however, made Sol feel like a troublesome burden who hadn’t accomplished anything but required a lot of care. When Sol’s face turned sullen, Eun-gyeom whispered quietly, “I’ve been there too.” The consideration in his words made Sol smile slightly. As Eun-gyeom continued to help Sol move his legs, he kept speaking.
“To be honest, I caused all this because I wanted to help you, but when we started filming earlier, I wondered if I was actually bothering you instead.”
“Am I a bother to you?”
“I just started thinking that maybe I gave you too much pressure when you’re not even used to this yet. And it’s not like you asked me for help….”
Sol widened his eyes in surprise at this unexpected comment. During the whole time he practiced with Eun-gyeom’s dance team, their manager, Yeong-ho, couldn’t stop stressing what a huge opportunity this was and how grateful they should be. He repeatedly reminded Sol to be extra polite to his senior, Eun-gyeom. But now, hearing such words from the very person he was supposed to be thankful to, Sol felt completely bewildered.
“Unwanted help can sometimes become a burden.”
“No, that’s not it. Thank you. Our manager said this is a really big opportunity. And I learned a lot by practicing with you.”
Worried that Eun-gyeom might misunderstand, Sol waved his hands frantically, hastily expressing his gratitude. At Sol’s flustered response, Eun-gyeom suddenly asked an unexpected question.
“Did you have fun?”
“What?”
“Practicing and filming, I mean. Did you enjoy it?”
Eun-gyeom’s question made Sol reflect on the past days. He remembered Deuk-yong, who had been bouncing around excitedly, asking if they would get to appear on a music show. Though Sol had told him to calm down, it seemed that everyone was happy just to experience something like this. As for Sol, he didn’t think it was so bad either. During the entire time he practiced with the team, it brought back memories of old times.
He was reminded of the days he practiced with Ju-hwan and Yoo-chan, and the fact that Eun-gyeom, knowing Sol’s circumstances, had been considerate in many ways made it much more comfortable for him. As Sol recalled the hardworking faces of his fellow members, he nodded slowly.
“Um... filming is still a bit overwhelming for me. But practicing with hyung and the members was fun.”
When Sol answered with a smile, Eun-gyeom finally grinned broadly, showing his teeth.
“Now you’re finally calling me ‘hyung.’ You agreed to be friends, but when others were around, it was always ‘sunbae-nim, sunbae-nim.’ I almost felt a little hurt.”
“The manager hyung said I’d come across as impolite, so I should be respectful.”
“I know. We have to be cautious about everything. Every word we say, even when we breathe, we have to be mindful of how we do it. But I’m not that strict of a senior. Anyway, I’m glad you said that. Now, try to stand up slowly.”
Before he knew it, Sol’s legs were neatly planted on the ground. Only then, as the tension eased, did the soles of his feet start to tingle. Eun-gyeom held out his hand to Sol. Unlike before, Sol quickly grabbed the large hand extended in front of his face and stood up. Eun-gyeom’s hand was so warm that Sol finally realized just how cold his own hands and body were, like ice. It made sense since he was only wearing a thin jacket in the set where you could see your breath.
“Your legs are completely weak,” Eun-gyeom said.
Sol looked down at his legs. He couldn’t tell if they were shaking from the cold or if they had gone weak, just like Eun-gyeom said. Either way, they were trembling pitifully. It was probably both.
“I’m embarrassed.”
“About what?”
“Because you’re here, hyung, and Ji-ho hyung was watching too. I really wanted to do well.”
“No, you did great. Your expression just now was really good. The director’s quiet, right? If he didn’t like it, he would’ve been super loud. I’m honored you appeared in my music video.”
“I’m the one who should be thankful. I mean it, thanks for helping me, again and again.”
If Eun-gyeom hadn’t helped, Sol would still be getting scolded by the director. From start to finish, it was all thanks to Eun-gyeom, and Sol hadn’t done anything at all. Feeling awkward, Sol gave a slightly bitter smile, and Eun-gyeom gripped the hand resting on his palm even tighter. Was it because Sol’s hand was cold, or was Eun-gyeom’s body temperature unusually high? Their clasped hands felt so warm, almost burning.
“Sol-ah.”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been a little worried about you. After all, the situation when we first met was a bit... complicated.”
“It was definitely something to be worried about.”
Recalling the past, Sol rolled his eyes. In hindsight, it was unbearably embarrassing. On the other hand, he also felt relieved that the person he met in that practice room was Eun-gyeom, who resembled Ju-hwan. If it had been someone else, he would never have said such things and wouldn’t have become friends like this.
“I’ve said it before, but I’m glad you seem to be doing much better. To be honest, you’ve changed so much that I’m a little jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Oh, I am your first friend here, but you’re doing so well now that it seems like you’ve made a lot of friends, and that makes me a little jealous. Who was it that cried about not having any friends?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
At Eun-gyeom’s playful words, Sol blushed and let out a laugh. His silver-gray hair, which suited him perfectly, swayed as his neatly folded eyes caught the light, shining brightly. His well-shaped red lips formed a soft curve, and the slight glimpse of white teeth made him look pure. For a moment, a brief flash of surprise crossed Eun-gyeom’s face.
“I’m jealous, but unlike before, I don’t worry as much. So I don’t feel bad about it.”
“If you hadn’t said those things when we first met... I might have run away that day.”
“I’m a cool senior, aren’t I?”
“Yes, very much.”
Sol chuckled deeply, nodding vigorously. The warmth from their clasped hands spread through her body, making her feel relaxed, as if she had never been tense. While they smiled at each other, Ji-ho approached, holding a padded jacket between them.
“Sol-ah, aren’t you cold? Hurry up and put this on.”
“Thanks, Ji-ho hyung.”
Sol let go of Eun-gyeom’s hand and put on the padded jacket Ji-ho handed him. It was so warm it felt like it had been intentionally heated. When she put her hands into the pockets, the warmth was almost too hot. Sniffling, Sol’s frozen body began to thaw.
He had been fine until a moment ago, but as the warmth spread throughout his body, the late cold settled in, making his teeth chatter. Seeing her lips tremble, Ji-ho took a hot pack from his pocket and placed it in Sol’s. Eun-gyeom looked as if he had more to say to Sol, but before long, the voice calling, “Dancers, please get ready,” echoed from behind them. Sol and Ji-ho nodded and descended from the set.
“Isn’t it really cold?”
“It’s okay. It’s warm.”
“Yeong-ho hyung brought a hot pack. He warmed it up in advance because he thought you might be cold.”
Leaving Eun-gyeom behind, Ji-ho and Sol walked side by side to the spot where Ji-ho had been standing. As he watched the lights on the set he had been filming at changed color, Sol glanced around.
