Ju-hwan used to lightly tap his cheek like that. That small habit of his, which meant nothing to him, had once made Sol clutch his chest alone and fall asleep with a heavy heart. He had completely forgotten about it.
Even when things got slightly tough, he would whine and repeat to himself how much he wanted to go home, thinking of Yoo-chan and Ju-hwan. And yet, he hadn't thought about them for a while. The realization felt strange, leaving behind an unshakable sense of unease.
The more he got used to this place, the blurrier his past life seemed to become. The age of twenty, which had initially felt awkward and foreign, no longer carried any sense of dissonance. If time kept flowing like this, would he end up forgetting Yoo-chan, Ju-hwan, and even his past and future self? His mood sank rapidly.
Eun-gyeom, oblivious to Sol's complicated emotions, beamed brightly at Sol’s seemingly casual words. He looked genuinely happy and excited. Seeing how much joy Eun-gyeom took from his offhand remark, spoken without much thought to ease his own shallow guilt, Sol suddenly felt embarrassed and uncomfortable facing him.
"Uh… I have to get ready for the next shoot. The members are waiting too…"
"Ah, right. You're busy. Go ahead. I have to head upstairs anyway."
At Sol’s words, Eun-gyeom nodded easily, as if nothing was amiss. This wasn’t the kind of conversation he had come for, but there was no other choice. Strictly speaking, it really was a busy time. Creating a fake schedule as an excuse, Eun-gyeom gently rested an arm around Sol’s shoulders, as if politely escorting a partner, and opened the door for him. Just in case Sol lost his way, he even took it upon himself to guide him all the way to the practice room, where Sol spent most of his time.
"Make sure to text me after practice. I’ll send you a message first."
"Got it. And… thanks for this. Hyung."
"Yeah. And if you need help or want to eat something, just let me know."
"Okay. Thank you."
After exchanging goodbyes, Eun-gyeom waved his hand, urging Sol to head into the practice room. But instead of going in, Sol pushed against Eun-gyeom’s back, trying to send him off first. With no other choice, Eun-gyeom reluctantly took the first step away. Even after Eun-gyeom disappeared, Sol stood in the hallway for a long time.
With his mind in turmoil, Sol ruffled his hair in frustration. His past life had been real, no doubt about it. But that didn’t mean his current life was fake either.
For a brief moment, the faces of his group members flashed through his mind. How could he ever call them fake? The issue he had tried to push aside once again surfaced.
Leaning against the cold wall, Sol gripped the handles of the shopping bag in both hands. He let the tension drain from his shoulders and let out a deep sigh. He wished that with every exhale, the weighty thoughts clouding his mind would leave with it. As he continued sighing heavily, he suddenly locked eyes with Deuk-yong, who had just turned the corner of the hallway.
“Sol hyung, what are you doing here?”
“Uh… I was about to go in.”
He wasn’t just uncomfortable around Eun-gyeom. Once that strange feeling had started, it spread and spread, making even looking at Deuk-yong feel awkward. Was Deuk-yong originally someone who existed in this world? If he didn’t exist, that would be sad in its own way.
Deuk-yong glanced over Sol, who looked somewhat deflated, and then asked about the shopping bag in his hand.
“What’s that?”
“Sandwiches. Eun-gyeom hyung told me to share.”
“Oh yeah? Let’s go in. Why are you just standing here all pitiful by yourself? Tae-oh hyung turned the heater on.”
Sol had thought Deuk-yong might be happy about it, but when he answered with “sandwiches,” Deuk-yong only gave a lukewarm response and gestured with his chin. Normally, whenever food was mentioned, Deuk-yong would have plenty to say—asking if there was some for him, if he could eat it, or exclaiming how delicious it looked. But now, he seemed uninterested.
When Deuk-yong threw open the practice room door, Sol cautiously poked his head in first. As Deuk-yong had said about Tae-oh turning the heater on, warm air touched his face.
The members had probably finished warming up, as Ga-ram’s cheeks were flushed. He greeted Sol cheerfully. Sol awkwardly stepped inside, barely glancing at Tae-oh and Ji-ho, who stood in the center of the room, and instead went straight to the shelf to place the shopping bag down.
“Where did you leave off?”
“We didn’t get far. Since it’s a ballad, we definitely need to rearrange it…”
“Ah, right.”
Avoiding eye contact, Sol curled up beside Ga-ram. Was it just his discomfort, or did Tae-oh and Ji-ho’s gazes feel unusually intense?
After finishing first place in Round 1 of the face-to-face stage, Team 7’s reward was the ability to choose their order and song for the next performance. However, this "advantage" wasn’t much of a benefit.
The screen and cards that the MC had presented to them were filled with nothing but slow-tempo ballads. No matter which song they chose, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. After a brief discussion, the members decided to pick a song with a relatively lighthearted unrequited love theme rather than one that was too emotionally heavy.
Ballads weren’t necessarily a bad choice, but their team had a rapper, and Sol still felt burdened by focusing solely on singing. That made their song choice somewhat tricky.
Since multiple members had to perform the song together, as Ga-ram had pointed out, rearranging the piece was essential to ensure each member’s strengths were highlighted. And not just minor adjustments—it needed a full-scale rearrangement.
They had another week, but this time, they had to tackle an even bigger challenge than their first stage. Since it was a ballad, they needed to create entirely new choreography from scratch. On top of that, because it was a vocal mission, every member had to improve their singing skills significantly.
There was some back-and-forth discussion about direction, but Sol found it unusually difficult to focus for the first time in a while. He simply sat curled up, staring at the floor and occasionally nodding. As he absentmindedly gazed at the wood grain patterns on the practice room floor, Ji-ho would occasionally knead his shoulder, asking, “Are you tired?” or “Did something happen?” But Sol only shook his head.
They had a quick lunch with the sandwich Eun-gyeom bought and continued the meeting until the individual lesson sessions, but no clear conclusion was reached. Deuk-yong left around 10 PM with Ji-ho, saying he had to go to school in the morning, and Tae-oh also left the practice room, mentioning he was going to the hospital.
Feeling the weight on his shoulders, Ga-ram volunteered to stay for the remaining lessons. Sol, also needing time to organize his thoughts, decided to stay in the practice room. About two hours passed when Ga-ram, who had been focused on his laptop screen, said he was heading up to the recording studio and asked to be called when it was time to return to the dorm. Then, he left. Now alone in the practice room, Sol simply sat there, staring at his reflection in the mirror.
He had finally gotten the alone time he wanted, yet he only felt more unsettled. In hindsight, maybe spending time with Deuk-yong and Ji-ho, joking around and chatting, would have been a better way to clear his head. But now, he was stuck in limbo, wasting time, when suddenly, someone opened the practice room door. Thinking it was Ga-ram, he turned around—only to find an unexpected figure. It was Tae-oh.
“…You’re back early.”
Given their packed schedules, Sol had assumed he wouldn’t see Tae-oh again until the next morning, when he would finally have time for his family. But now, just a few hours after leaving, Tae-oh was back, looking different from when he left—like an old letter, faded and carrying traces of long-held emotions. Instead of answering, Tae-oh tossed his bag aside and sat down next to Sol.
"Where’s Kang Ga-ram?"
"He went up to the recording studio."
"Why are you here alone?"
"Just because."
For a while, the two sat in silence, watching their reflections in the mirror. It was Tae-oh who finally broke the quiet. He casually spread his arm over the floor beside Sol and studied his expression.
“Did Eun-gyeom hyung say something bad to you?”
“Huh? No.”
“You haven’t seemed okay since coming back from seeing him.”
“It’s not because of Eun-gyeom hyung. He even bought me a sandwich and congratulated me on getting first place… He only said good things.”
At Tae-oh’s question, Sol widened his eyes in surprise and shook his head. Rather than blaming Eun-gyeom, to be exact, it was entirely Sol’s fault. Eun-gyeom hadn’t done anything wrong—he merely reminded Sol of Ju-hwan. It didn’t matter which was real and which was fake. The real problem was that Sol was needlessly overthinking it.
Sol pulled his knees up and buried his face between them. As he let out a deep sigh, Tae-oh, who had been quietly observing, cautiously asked,
“Then… do you feel like running away?”
“……”
Sol turned his head slightly, resting his face on his knees, and looked at Tae-oh. His tendency to avoid things was acting up again. This wasn’t the time to waste away like this. If anything, he had to practice twice as much as the other members. He was just a half-complete person who couldn’t do anything without a Stability Potion.
It really didn’t matter what was real or fake, or whether he forgot about Yoo-chan and Ju-hwan. What mattered was focusing on the world he was living in now. The sweat his fellow members shed was real, and in a week, they had to step onto a new stage once again. But instead of facing reality, he was using his turmoil as an excuse to run away.
At Tae-oh’s question about wanting to escape, Sol gave a small nod.
“Maybe… just a little.”
He expected a sharp or scolding remark in return, but what he got instead was something unexpected. Tae-oh let out a soft, breathy chuckle as he looked at Sol.
“I feel the same way.”
Surprised by Tae-oh’s unexpected words, Sol widened his eyes and slightly parted his lips. Tae-oh, speaking in a self-deprecating tone, looked utterly exhausted. Perhaps the late-night outing had drained him, leaving his mind as restless as Sol’s.
“You feel that way too, Tae-oh? That’s a relief. I thought I’d get scolded for saying it… Guess we’re in this together.”
Following Tae-oh’s lead, Sol spoke in a complaining tone and smiled softly. Just then, he felt a sudden shift in the distance between them. Straightening his hunched back in confusion, Sol realized that Tae-oh’s long, slender hands had grasped his wrist and pulled him in.
It wasn’t a strong grip, but Sol, caught off guard, collapsed into his arms.
As he fell into Tae-oh’s embrace, his chaotic thoughts emptied out, as if his mind had been wiped clean, like an emptied trash bin. This was not a fake but the real warmth of Yoon Tae-oh. The rhythmic beating of his heart. His slightly elevated body temperature. The deep sigh that brushed over Sol’s head.
Everything was so vivid.
Thump, thump.
As he listened to the steady sound of Tae-oh’s heart, Sol’s own heart began to race in sync.
