"Let's go back."
Sol clutched his throbbing head, furrowing his brow as he spoke. As a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over him, irritation began to crawl under his skin. The face that had been brightly smiling just moments ago had grown sharply tense. Noticing Sol's change, Ga-ram asked again, seemingly puzzled.
"Sol, aren't you going to take pictures?"
"No. I want to go back to the practice room."
The graduation ceremony had just ended. While the members had been there since Sol received his diploma, aside from that girl earlier, they hadn't seen Sol take photos or chat with any of his classmates. At the very least, he should have taken a solo photo to commemorate his graduation, or if not that, it would have been proper to take one picture with Ji-ho, Tae-oh, and Ga-ram who had come to congratulate him today.
Sol answered extremely firmly, yet sharply. After bluntly throwing out his reply, perhaps even he thought his tone had been too cutting, he checked the reactions of the members, including Ga-ram. But Sol's resolve was firm. He didn't want to stay there any longer.
"But it's your graduation. You should at least take one photo."
"No, it's fine... Sorry you came all this way. Let's just go back to the practice room and have our next mission meeting."
His energy completely drained, he didn't even have the strength to lift the box filled with candies. To be precise, he didn't want to lift it. As Sol started to pick up the box and then stopped, Tae-oh silently took the box and bouquet of flowers for him. It didn't really matter. Right now, the only thought in his mind was returning to where he belonged. To his place as trainee of YC Entertainment, and as Sung Sol of the debut team TEAM ONE.
The entire way from leaving the high school back to the company, Ga-ram and Ji-ho kept glancing at Sol, trying to lift his gloomy mood with little jokes. But nothing reached Sol's ears. Ji-ho had attended high school while he was a trainee at his previous agency, and Ga-ram and Tae-oh had entered the company through public auditions early on, taking the high school equivalency exam instead. This was essentially the first time any of them had attended a member's graduation ceremony.
Moreover, seeing Sol in a real school uniform—not a stage costume—was a sight before them. In his uniform, Sol looked younger than usual, like the handsome first-love character from a youth drama. The three of them, who had secretly wanted to capture a photo of Sol in his uniform, suppressed their previously excited feelings.
Sol was pretending otherwise, but his condition had plummeted so sharply they couldn't even begin to guess the reason. Considering whether he might be upset about them attending the graduation ceremony at all—when they'd given him the roses, his happy expression had seemed too genuine to be fabricated.
Even after arriving at the practice room, Sol remained lost in his own thoughts. Seeing Sol slumped listlessly in a corner of the room, still in his uniform, Tae-oh kept Ji-ho and Ga-ram at a distance. For some reason, it was clear the two weren't having any effect on Sol in this state. At times like this, it seemed better to let him have some time alone.
Tae-oh's prediction had hit the mark. Sol was so deeply lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even register how Ji-ho and Ga-ram were making him uncomfortable. Seo Ju-hwan and Baek Yoo-chan. Whether those two existed in this world or not, whether this world was fake or real—none of it mattered to Sol anymore. The members who had come to today's graduation ceremony, smiling and offering congratulations along with a single rose—they were undeniably real, no matter what anyone said.
Sol watched as the three people moved away from him, stretching their bodies. What truly unsettled Sol's heart was the question: Had he ever truly been in love with "Seo Ju-hwan"?
Had he simply dressed up "Seo Ju-hwan" the way he wanted to see him, leaned on him as he pleased, built up a fantasy that suited him, and chased after that illusion? The candy given by a girl whose name he didn't even know. The moment he saw that candy, it felt as if a veil that had been covering something had suddenly lifted.
The sudden news of the wedding. While they had occasionally shared updates about having girlfriends, Ju-hwan had never introduced them properly, not even as a friend, nor had he ever boasted about a partner like others often do. That's why the wedding invitation Ju-hwan handed over felt even more abrupt. Sol now realized he knew far less about Seo Ju-hwan than he had thought. When Yoo-chan expressed his disapproval of Ju-hwan, Sol hadn't even tried to understand why.
On the day Seo Ju-hwan got married. Had he really been that sad? He had cried, made a scene, even drank—uncharacteristically so. And the next day? Of course, chaotic days followed from then on, but hadn't he shaken it off too easily for someone who claimed to have just reached the end of a long, unrequited love? In movies, novels, and dramas, people who suffer a great heartbreak weep for days, skip meals, and think of the other person all day long. An emotion too deep to be tidied away so simply.
Even though he told himself he had loved Ju-hwan for so long, he had never dwelled on the pain of that trial upon seeing Tae Eun-gyeom, who resembled Ju-hwan. Nor had he ever imagined Ju-hwan living happily with his wife in some other world. The discomfort he felt when seeing Eun-gyeom, who looked like Ju-hwan, was merely an unease about the authenticity of this place—about whether the people breathing beside him here were real.
Perhaps he had just been too lonely. Wanting to love and be loved like everyone else, had he declared his love without truly listening or looking, simply thinking and saying what felt good to him? When had he seriously started to believe he held feelings for Seo Ju-hwan? Was it when he quit dancing and felt a sense of kinship? Or when his family disappeared?
If that was the nature of his feelings, what if the real Seo Ju-hwan—the one who hadn't chosen marriage—were to appear before him now? Sol looked at the three people engrossed in their stretching. If he had to choose between Seo Ju-hwan and the Tae-oh, Ga-ram, and Ji-ho he saw before him? Or if he had to choose between a world with Seo Ju-hwan and a world with his members?
For a moment, a spark seemed to crackle and flash in his mind. The thought that leapt up required no deliberation. Sol shook his head in emptiness. The instant the question arose, the thought that filled Sol's head was, "I don't want to go back."
Whether his feelings for Ju-hwan were false or trivial, the fact remained that Ju-hwan had occupied a considerable part of Sol’s life and had been a source of support. As for Yoo-chan, there was no need to even mention him. But if he were forced to choose between the world before—with both of them—and the world now, Sol would give up both Yoo-chan and Ju-hwan.
Since coming here, many things had changed. What once felt absurd, he was now beginning to find joy in, and his pessimistic thoughts had diminished. There were no more pitying looks treating him like an unfortunate child; here, it felt like he was living a new life. The mere thought of going back to how things were felt like falling into a bottomless abyss.
Maybe meeting this strange system and Tae-oh, Ga-ram, Ji-ho, and Deuk-yong wasn’t just some twisted form of pity—a second chance given out of sympathy.
That day he got drunk and cried out Ju-hwan’s name. The day Yoo-chan showed him the game screen. As absurd as it sounded, maybe Baek Yoo-chan had taken such pity on him that he sent him here. So, Sol wanted to believe he shouldn’t overthink it. If he could just overcome everything here alongside the members and live happily, that would be enough. Just as he had once packaged his feelings for Ju-hwan in a way that suited him, he wanted to believe in this too.
For a moment, Sol was startled by his own thoughts. They were far too selfish. His stomach churned at his own egoism, and goosebumps rose all over his body.
‘But…’
Sol stretched and subtly met Ga-ram’s eyes, which were quietly observing him. When their gazes locked, Ga-ram’s expression softened into an even more relaxed smile. Next, his eyes met Tae-oh’s. While quietly watching Ga-ram smile, beyond him, in the mirror, he caught Tae-oh’s gaze. Dark, thick eyebrows and pitch-black, earnest eyes were fixed on him.
Sol turned his head to look at Ji-ho. From who knows when, Ji-ho had turned his body completely toward Sol and was stretching while watching him.
Suddenly, Sol’s eyes welled up with hot tears. He felt sorry for Yoo-chan and Ju-hwan. But right now, this was good. He didn’t want to go back to that time when he had made the mistake of giving everything up. He didn’t want to trade Tae-oh, Ji-ho, Ga-ram, or even Deuk-yong for Seo Ju-hwan.
Unlike with Seo Ju-hwan, was Sol truly seeing these three clearly, properly? He was seeing them with vivid clarity. This wasn’t a one-sided relationship where only one person poured out emotions. Here, when he looked at them, they smiled back; when their eyes met, they subtly raised an eyebrow in a silent gesture. All three of them were overflowing with mutual emotion and exchange with Sol himself.
Yoo-chan would understand these feelings of his. That’s what Sol wanted to think and believe. Then, perhaps he could finally stop chasing after the shadows of Ju-hwan and Yoo-chan and focus on reality. For Sol now, this place was his place, and here was reality. There would be no more unrequited love.
Now he realized. The feelings he had harbored toward Ju-hwan were too problematic to be called "love." If he were to say it was for someone he loved and cherished, it just didn't seem to fit...
Sol let his gaze fall on the three men once more. Tae-oh was the most reliable and solid person there was, Ga-ram was the kindest and most affectionate of the three, and Ji-ho, despite his gentle appearance, was a person of great strength. As he looked at the three of them, a tickling sensation rose in his throat, as if he'd swallowed a feather.
Hands that had once felt so unfamiliar were now familiar, their touch learned by his very body. Sol had no intention of letting go of the members' hands, which he was shyly holding. On the contrary, he would grip them tightly and not let go. He planned to bind them firmly so that they couldn't slip away, even by accident. Something was squirming and trying to grow within Sol's chest as he looked at the three of them. It was far too selfish a feeling to be considered one for friends.
Finally, he had run through the long, dark tunnel and reached the edge where the light poured in. One more step, and he could sprout into that bright light, but at the very edge of it, Deuk-yong suddenly popped out of nowhere.
"Sol Hyung! Congratulations on graduating!"
Having finished his morning classes, Deuk-yong burst through the practice room door and ran toward Sol with his arms wide open. He pulled the crouching Sol into a tight embrace, his large frame surprisingly acting cute. The energetic maknae then hoisted the crouching Sol clean off the ground. Suddenly lifted into the air, Sol let out an involuntary, startled cry of "Whoa!"
His thoughts were shattered by Deuk-yong's sudden appearance. As Deuk-yong pulled him into a rough hug, he shook everything off and burst into laughter like a fool.
