"So, how was it?"
As soon as they got on the van, Deuk-yong's eyes lit up as he asked Yeong-ho. Yeong-ho, who was at the wheel, gave a meaningful smile at the question and did not say much.
"See for yourselves with your own eyes."
"If we go back to the dorm, can we watch it right away?"
"Should be able to."
While fastening his seatbelt, Deuk-yong, seemingly full of curiosity, kept firing questions at Yeong-ho. But Yeong-ho didn't give clear answers, only smiling.
"Too bad. I wanted to watch the live broadcast."
When Ji-ho showed his disappointment, all the members, including Yeong-ho, nodded. Sol, who was the last to board the van, also pulled his seatbelt taut and nodded as he fastened it.
Today was the day <My Idol Stars> officially began airing. Originally, they were supposed to gather at the dorm to watch themselves on TV in real-time, but circumstances had foiled their plans. Their schedules for the team's individual interview shoot and a mid-term meeting had been abruptly changed, forcing them to be at the broadcasting station during the time <My Idol Stars> was airing.
The location for the stage studio had changed, so they had to check that out too. Both the individual interviews and the meeting ran a bit long, and they ended up missing the much-anticipated premiere broadcast time.
"Phones, please give me our phones."
Deuk-yong stretched both hands out toward Yeong-ho, fluttering them rapidly. At Deuk-yong's urgent cry, Yeong-ho's hands got busy too. As Yeong-ho returned the phones he had collected, all the members were busy checking the missed calls and messages that had piled up on their phones. Only Sol stared blankly for a moment before pressing his fingers to his forehead.
He hadn't used a Stability Potion today. He needed to save the potion for the next stage, and he couldn't rely on the limited supply of Stability Potions for everything. Individual interviews. While he had improved a lot, it was still a highly stressful and difficult task for Sol.
His drastically depleted stamina and increased fatigue made his head throb. While everyone's eyes sparkled with curiosity about how they looked on the broadcast and what the reaction was, Sol was just worried. He was even unsure about the interview they had filmed today alone.
It wasn't simply that he was deflated like a waterlogged sponge because of it. Sol glanced at the members, wondering who they were all exchanging messages with. Without asking, he knew it would be family or friends who had watched the show. Instead of checking his own phone, which surely had no notifications, Sol observed his members' reactions.
Sol's gaze, which had been wandering around the van, settled on Tae-oh's face. His high, straight nose bridge looked even sharper because he was slightly bowing his head to check his phone. Moreover, a shadow fell over his eyes, settled beneath his dark eyebrows, creating an elusive atmosphere. Sol was blankly staring at Tae-oh's face when a sudden change came over it.
His face, illuminated by the light from the phone screen. His blunt impression softened for a very brief moment, his dark eyes curving. The line of his lips formed an arc, but it held more longing than joy. It was a smile that stung a corner of his heart.
In that moment, Sol was so captivated he could have forgotten he was sitting inside a van. If not for the seatbelt he was gripping like a lifeline, he might have mistaken this for a space where only the two of them existed, as if the world had stopped.
Sol took a deep breath and let out an inward sigh. The look in Tae-oh's eyes as he gazed at his phone screen was so warm. But then, as sorrow seeped into the corners of Tae-oh's eyes, Sol bit his lip. Seeing that expression, a mix of joy and sadness, he could guess who was on the other end. Family, no doubt. Someone who was a thorn stubbornly embedded in his heart, never to be removed or healed, yet also someone who could make him smile like that.
Tae-oh was already kind and dependable enough, but just how much more amazing and good must he be to the person he was looking at with that gaze? How would it feel if he, Sol, were the recipient of that look instead of the phone?
"Ah!"
A shock he had felt once before struck Sol's head. This time, it wasn't a dull, painful shock; it came with a sensation like a ringing bell, and the name 'Yoon Tae-oh' seemed to spread throughout his entire body.
Startled by Sol's sudden gasp, Tae-oh turned his head to look at him. Their gazes met and collided. Sol gripped his seatbelt tightly with both hands and sucked in a sharp breath like someone caught with a huge secret.
Holding his breath only made his heart pound even more fiercely. Too flustered, Sol couldn't even think to avert his eyes from Tae-oh's, and froze in place. In these situations, it was always Tae-oh who looked away first, but today, for some reason, Tae-oh didn't avoid Sol's gaze either.
He couldn't hear a thing from Deuk-yong and Ji-ho's boisterous chattering. Inside the shaking car, the scenery flew past the window, yet Sol was unfazed. Time seemed to pass slowly, and he felt if he exhaled the breath he was holding now, it would reach Tae-oh.
In his mind, like a scene from a romance movie, rose the memory of that day, the hug they shared in the practice room. The heartbeat transmitted through their pressed-together chests, the hot warmth against his cheek and ear. And the soft face drawing gradually closer. As if they might even kiss.
Tae-oh, who had been looking steadily at Sol without averting his gaze for a long moment, gave him the same smile he had worn while looking at his phone earlier.
Whoosh—Sol's face flushed red. What on earth was he imagining just now? Startled by his own delusion, Sol covered his face with both hands. As Sol, who had been making eye contact, suddenly hunched over and hid his face, a startled Tae-oh shifted in his seat. But Ga-ram's hand was quicker than Tae-oh's, who was sitting a bit farther away.
"Sol-ah, are you carsick? Do you think you're going to throw up?"
Seeing Sol cover his face with both hands and bend over, Ga-ram assumed he was severely carsick and pulled him into a worried embrace. But Sol had frozen stiff from the staggering imagination he'd just had of himself. Ga-ram's face grew even more worried at Sol's lack of response. Ji-ho, realizing the situation, hastily handed over a paper bag, but Sol just shook his head, his hand clamped over his mouth.
He couldn't bring himself to look at Tae-oh directly. And no wonder—just moments ago, while looking at this kind friend who was helping him, Sol had found himself jealous of Tae-oh's family and fantasizing about kissing him. The kraft paper box left on the dorm desk came to mind, filled with dark blue plastic-wrapped glucose candies. He could almost suddenly taste that sweetness on his tongue.
Only then did Sol realize why his heart had raced and his face flushed when he touched Tae-oh, why he couldn't look away. He had been looking at Yoon Tae-oh not just as a friend, but with feelings that went beyond. The hopeless Sung Sol was in love with that brilliant, soon-to-be-even-brighter Yoon Tae-oh.
Ga-ram patted Sol's hunched, rounded back with a concerned face. Trying to get a look at Sol's bowed face, Ga-ram bent down too, until his nose was almost touching Sol's cheek. Instantly, the imagined kiss with Tae-oh from earlier replayed in Sol's mind, and he jolted upright, back straight, to look at Ga-ram.
What would happen if Ga-ram, Ji-ho, Deuk-yong, the company, and most of all, Tae-oh himself, found out about these feelings of his? The now seemingly illusory Seo Ju-hwan or the system window that had been showing trauma warnings since earlier weren't the real problems. The things he never wanted to let go of, the things that had become the most precious to him now—he might end up ruining them with his own hands and driving them away.
"I'm feeling better now. It was just a momentary wave of nausea."
Sol, whose face had been flushed red just moments before, now pushed away Ga-ram's hand that was stroking his ashen face. His already pale complexion had grown even paler, but Sol forced himself to act nonchalant, trying to erase the scene that kept replaying in his mind. Tae-oh, who had half-risen, sat back down as if reassured, but Sol deliberately averted his gaze, trying not to look in his direction.
"Sol hyung... We promised to go back to the dorm and watch the broadcast together. Don't get sick, okay."
Even Deuk-yong put down the phone he was holding and looked at Sol. Sol just kept repeating that he was fine, closing his eyes tightly to avoid the conversation. The road back to the dorm felt especially long today. The air inside the van, filled with affectionate gazes, felt not just warm today but stiflingly hot, making his chest feel tight.
After arriving at the dorm, Sol, though feeling fatigued, didn't go to his room and instead stuck close to Deuk-yong, who was lounging in the living room. The room he shared with Tae-oh, which had always felt comfortable thanks to Tae-oh's considerate care, felt like a bed of nails today. Every little thing—Tae-oh tidying up the space Sol had messed up, moving his not-so-heavy bag for him, checking in to ask if he was really feeling better—all the gestures Sol had accepted without a second thought before now only made him feel deeply troubled.
My face kept turning bright red, and my heart pounded so hard I couldn't lift my head. Even the smallest, most mundane sounds he made would make me prick up my ears like a creep. I was so overly conscious of him that being in the same space became unbearable. Finally, Sol made a half-hearted attempt to change his clothes and then announced he was going out to watch the broadcast, pushing the door open and leaving.
Ji-ho, who had been preparing snacks to eat while watching the broadcast together, was startled to see Sol rushing out with a flushed face and asked, "You scared me. What's wrong? Did something happen?"
At Ji-ho's question, Sol shook his head vigorously.
"Your face is completely red! Sol, do you have a fever?"
Ji-ho hurriedly set down the snacks he was holding on the table and moved toward Sol. As if trying to check his temperature, Sol nimbly dodged Ji-ho's reaching hand like an eel and swiftly took a seat on the sofa.
"Sol, fever?"
"Sol hyung, are you sick?"
Although he avoided Ji-ho's touch, the two who heard Ji-ho's words immediately rushed to Sol's side. Eventually, Ga-ram's hand reached his forehead.
"I think he has a fever?"
Of course he did. His face was burning hot enough to feel like it might explode—there was no way he wouldn't have a fever. As he was flustered, being held by Ga-ram and Deuk-yong, his phone in his pajama pocket rang loudly. At the sound of consecutive message notifications, Deuk-yong let go of Sol's arm, which he had been gripping tightly. Sluggishly, Sol checked his phone to find congratulatory and encouraging messages from Eun-gyeom.
