Planning to spend the night on the sofa, Sol, instead of opening his eyes at Ji-ho's call, turned over and lay on his side. He wondered if Ga-ram had immediately noticed he was pretending to sleep. It was an action meant to hide his face, but Sol ended up nearly coughing as his face met Ga-ram's firm stomach. Involuntarily, he found himself tightly hugging Ga-ram's waist and pressing his face against his stomach.
More than embarrassment, Sol was taken aback by the uncomfortable position. Still pretending to be deeply asleep, he subtly shifted, curling up as much as possible to move his head from Ga-ram's thigh.
"Sung Sol."
Tae-oh, who had been quietly watching, approached Sol, gently grabbed his arm, and shook it slightly, calling his name in a low voice. Sol deliberately let out an exaggerated sleep-talking "Mmm," and furrowed his brow as if annoyed. At that, Ga-ram grabbed Tae-oh's wrist. When Tae-oh looked at him, Ga-ram shook his head.
"He doesn't look well today, and he seems tired. Let's not force him to wake up."
"He must be uncomfortable..."
Displeased with Ga-ram's suggestion, Tae-oh didn't let go of Sol's hand despite his objection. It seemed genuinely uncomfortable for Sol, who wasn't short by any means, to be cramped up sleeping on the sofa. From what he had observed, Sol was also quite sensitive to the cold. Tae-oh thought it would be better to wake him now, even if he got upset, so he could sleep comfortably in a warm room. As Tae-oh shook his head slightly to voice his opposition, Ga-ram cut him off and quickly interjected.
"I'll wake him up in a little while and take him inside. Let's just get him a blanket."
"Yeah, let him get some sleep. It'll be fine once we turn up the boiler."
Ji-ho, who had been watching the situation, stared intently at Sol and took Ga-ram's side. Pretending to sleep, Sol kept his eyes tightly shut but his fingers twitched slightly at the gaze he felt on his cheek. His cheek felt like it was tickling.
After a moment, Sol felt a warm blanket being gently draped over his body. The light from the lamp that had been pouring onto his tightly shut eyelids, turning his vision red, disappeared. As the surroundings grew quiet, Sol felt relieved. He was trying to sort out his feelings for Tae-oh in the quiet stillness when he sensed a presence and felt the sofa cushion dip slightly as someone sat down by his head.
Sol slightly opened one eye to check who was sitting by his head. It was blurry and out of focus, but it was no problem to recognize the person. It was Ga-ram, holding his laptop. He seemed to be planning to work on an arrangement in the living room.
The person he wanted to avoid right now was Tae-oh, not Ga-ram. Confirming who it was, Sol breathed a deep sigh of relief and closed his eyes again. Listening to the small sounds Ga-ram made—the tapping and clicking of the laptop keyboard—Sol felt a strange sense of calm.
Calmed by Ga-ram's subtle presence, Sol thought about Tae-oh. When exactly had these feelings started? It couldn't have been something that suddenly appeared today, overnight. It must have begun before he even realized it and had been building up ever since.
Was it when Tae-oh suddenly hugged him in the practice room? Thinking back now, his mind going blank and his heart feeling like it would explode—maybe that was already a sign of his feelings. Or perhaps it was even earlier, when he watched Tae-oh perform the choreography he had created and felt an inexplicable flutter? But what did it matter now? The core of it was that he didn't see Tae-oh as just a regular friend or colleague.
Sol forced himself to think about Seo Ju-hwan, even though he didn't want to. How much had he agonized over Ju-hwan, a friend who was also a colleague on stage? Sol already knew that having someone by your side whom you couldn't confess your feelings to, even when they were right in front of you, was a terribly anxious and difficult thing.
It was hard even with his own side supporting him, fully aware of the situation. Not to mention the other members, excluding Tae-oh, and even Yeong-ho hyung. And above all, Sol and Tae-oh were idol trainees who were constantly told to be careful with every single word they said. On top of that, Tae-oh was….
Internally, Sol felt that this time, too, it would end up being not so different from before. In the end, it would be a feeling he would have to suppress all on his own. For Tae-oh, work was the top priority. There was no way Tae-oh could afford to divert his attention elsewhere, both for his family's sake and for his own. More than anything, Sol himself was convinced that just because he felt this way, it didn't mean Tae-oh would ever reciprocate.
He had been through this once before, so what was a second time? In fact, he might even handle it better than the first. Suppressing it alone, getting happy over small things alone, deluding himself alone, and being sad alone. This time, Yoo-chan wasn't around, so wouldn't he be able to hide it better and neatly tuck these feelings away? He needed to fold them up tightly and hide them away carefully.
Unlike his clumsy first attempt, this was the second time, so he would be more skilled at containing his emotions. Someone might easily say, "Just be honest and confess," but this was also a form of self-defense for Sol to avoid getting hurt, and it was also the way to protect all the members.
Sol thought it would have been better if he had just never realized his feelings for Tae-oh. If he had remained unaware, he could have enjoyed the comfort that Tae-oh and the members provided for much longer. Anyway, Sol scoffed at himself, thinking he was always the problem wherever he went.
His chest felt tight, but for some reason, small chuckles kept escaping his lips. He wondered if he was losing his mind, but laughter just bubbled up. Whatever kind of emotion it was, whatever meaning it held, it was the day Seo Ju-hwan completely left him. He had tearfully begged Yoo-chan to let him pull for a character resembling him, and now things had turned out like this.
To borrow Yoo-chan's expression, he had come into this world determined to pull for his 'ultimate bias,' Seo Ju-hwan, and now that 'ultimate bias' had changed to Yoon Tae-oh. He remembered Yoo-chan's words whenever they played that kind of game: "I want to pull my bias," "I have to pull my bias." Yoo-chan would always end that conversation by saying, "Just sell it to me for money! Please!"
He felt like he understood that feeling a little now. Wanting something you can't have—if only he could obtain it easily with money or something, that would be preferable. If only it were a game, it would be so simple.
Sol suppressed a laugh and curled up even more, burying himself deeper into the blanket. His body was warm, but one side of his heart felt cold. As he was alone in digesting this emotion, which was full of bitterness, something touched his head. It was Ga-ram's finger, which had been tapping the keyboard like piano keys. He lightly touched Sol's forehead as if it were a keyboard.
Ga-ram's touch was like the footsteps of a cat walking on a sunbeam-drenched wooden floor, or like a pianist's fluid performance. When Sol's smooth forehead was revealed by his touch, Ga-ram chuckled softly and gently brushed his bangs back down to cover it again.
He had touched Sol without much thought, just acting on impulse, but everything that met his fingertips was soft. Like an animal's fur, like a soft fabric. Wouldn't this be what it feels like if you gathered all the soft things in the world and rolled them into one? He felt a growing urge to keep touching him. Seeing that Sol wasn't reacting much despite his touches, Ga-ram thought he had fallen into a deep, solid sleep.
Ga-ram gently stroked Sol's hair again. As he combed through the hair with his fingers, the feeling of the bright silver strands slipping softly between them was pleasant. After stroking Sol's hair for a while, Ga-ram then very carefully touched Sol's bangs with his fingertips.
What he really wanted to do was pull him into a tight hug, ruffle his hair wildly, even tug on it. It wasn't about teasing or anything; he just wanted to feel every sensation. But if he did that, Sol, being made of the world's softest things, might scatter away like a feather.
Ga-ram parted the bangs he had just smoothed down again, as if coaxing them. Sol's white, smooth forehead was revealed. It seemed his brow was slightly furrowed, so Ga-ram gently rubbed between his eyebrows with his fingertip.
Meanwhile, Sol, keeping his eyes tightly shut and still pretending to be asleep, secretly twitched his lips at Ga-ram's actions. Although he had been startled by Ga-ram's touch at first, the feeling of his hair being gently combed made him feel better. He was enjoying the supremely gentle touch, feeling as if it were comforting him, when Ga-ram suddenly started parting his bangs, making his forehead feel ticklish. Trying not to laugh, Sol wiggled his toes and pressed his lips together. Unaware of Sol's inner struggle, Ga-ram, seeing Sol's brow furrowed as he held back his laughter, only touched him more deeply.
Just as Sol, unable to bear it any longer, decided to throw off the covers and sit up, something damp, soft, and warm suddenly touched his forehead. It was a fleeting 'smack' of a kiss, here and gone in an instant. Sol was momentarily dazed, replaying the sensation in his mind, wondering what that touch had been.
'Wha...what was that?'
It was lips. Even though Sol was aware of it, his mind stuttered as if the information hadn't been processed properly. If Sol were a computer, he might have cursed it out as a 'piece of junk' and slapped it a few times. As if to confirm it for Sol, Ga-ram, who had been slowly stroking his hair, leaned over his face once more.
Sol, squeezing his eyes shut, felt the warmth approaching and felt Ga-ram's breath on his forehead. He clearly felt it this time, unable to deny it easily, even the way Ga-ram's long, falling hair tickled his brow. And then, once more, smack. His soft lips touched Sol's forehead.
This time, there was no denying it; Sol clearly perceived that Ga-ram had kissed him on the forehead, but he couldn't do anything. It seemed like it would take all day for the signal from his brain to his body to immediately open his eyes, get up, make a surprised face, and look at Ga-ram. Startled, Sol froze solid and couldn't do a thing. Sparks flew before his eyes, his mind went blank, and he became a stupid idiot.
He recognized the action itself that had happened, but he had to interpret the meaning behind that action. What could it mean for an adult male of the same age to kiss someone on the forehead? Guys their age might headbutt each other, but not kiss. There was no use in pondering it. The truth was, he already knew, he just couldn't easily admit it. That Ga-ram harbored the same feelings for him that he himself had harbored for Tae-oh.
